Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. v.2

Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. v. 2
As we know consumer behaviour has changed remarkably by the use of plastic cards like debit cards credit cards and such tremendous changes have completely affected our daily life. It is likely that we will no longer use paper money in near future and will create a friendly and safer cashless society. I partially agree with this perspective. On the one hand, I totally accept that the development of credit cards and debit cards benefits people a lot. We can easily sum up bills in one payment, efficiently manage accounts and even pick up a luxury handbag or any other product from an overseas website and pay online. There are also extra services which are provided by credit card companies such as payment insurance, protections of shopping etc. Due to the fact, people get used to plastic money which impulsive several companies like Apple and Alibaba to develop further virtual payment such as the mobile wallet.   Finally, this trend will lead us to a new generation of cashless society. On the other hand, the forms of money had transited in our human history several times, from shells, rare metal to plastic money, and now we are still in the period of transition. No one can promise a cashless society will make our payment safer and completely better for the individual. There is a good amount of coverage and news reveal that some people do not revolve their credit and overuse credit card. Furthermore, credit card fraud can happen in several ways, and it is difficult for people to prevent it by themselves or even deal with it. Thus, a cashless society may not equal to a well-protected or more suitable world for everyone. In conclusion, it seems to me that plastic money improves our life and a society without cash will be coming soon. However, I doubt that there will be much higher in quality and harmless for ordinary people.
As we know consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
remarkably
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
like debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and such tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our daily life. It is likely that we will no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in near future and will create a friendly and safer cashless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perspective.

On the one hand, I
totally
accept that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a lot. We can
easily
sum up bills in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
,
efficiently
manage accounts and even pick up a luxury handbag or any other product from an overseas website and pay online. There are
also
extra services which
are provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
insurance, protections of shopping etc. Due to the fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which impulsive several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple and Alibaba to develop
further
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
such as the mobile wallet.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Finally
, this trend will lead us to a new generation of cashless society.

On the other hand
, the forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
had transited in our human history several times, from shells, rare metal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are
still
in the period of transition. No one can promise a cashless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
safer and completely better for the individual. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of coverage and news reveal that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not revolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
and overuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
fraud can happen in several ways, and it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it by themselves or even deal with it.
Thus
, a cashless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
may not equal to a well-protected or more suitable world for everyone.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our life and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
without cash will be coming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
However
, I doubt that there will be much higher in quality and harmless for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts