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nowadays, the increasing number of schools in vietnam are facing with the alarming issue, school violence. what do you you think are the causes of this?what solutions can you suggest?

nowadays, the increasing number of schools in vietnam are facing with the alarming issue, school violence. what do you you think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest? NMXPm
The trendency of Violence in schools has increased dramatically over the past few years. This essay will discuss the causes as well as propose the measures can be taken to tackle this issue. three main reasons causing school violence problem can be effects of parents, school and media. First of all, parents play a role in constructing the characteristic of their children. For example, when living in a family with many raws occured usually, the childen can feel unpleasant, unhappy or even stressful, which may form negative behavior patterms in the early age. In the terms of educational environment, students can contact with naughty friends and suffer from the study pressure during the times they study in school. When conficts are happended, they can act without thinking and cause unexpected violences. Moreover, social media also pose a serious threat on childen’s behavior. Thanks to accessing to the internet, they can watch lots of violent films and stories without being controlled from family and community. By this way, they can have wrong behaviors and attitudes such as using the acts of aggressition to handle the various problems. Because of above reasons, the rate of violence situation in school do not have signs of decreasing. However, There are several sollutions to address this issue. on aspect of parents’ upbringing, they must have responsibility in controlling their children on watching unsuitable contents on the internet. Especially, from an early age, parents should to moritor and adjust appropriately if their children act wrongly instead of putting stains on their thought. On school aspect, school should be a safe enviroment for students to get knowledge and perfect personality. The teachers and educators should not only teach students but also support and guide them to do the right things.  Besides, About the effects of media, we can reduce violence by letting the competent authorities to tighten the content, and reshaping unsuitable social media. but the most fundationary sollutions is students themself have to improve right awareness, they ought to know which behaviors are good and therefore self- adjust to avoid the consequences caused by their violence actions. In conclusion, although it is hard to eliminate the violence in school out of hand, several measures can be taken to limit this issue by efforts of community as well as the cooperation of own students.
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
trendency
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has increased
dramatically
over the past few years. This essay

will discuss the causes
as well
as propose the measures can
be taken
to tackle this issue.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
three
main reasons causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
problem can be effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and media.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a role in constructing the characteristic of their children.
For example
, when

living in a family with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
raws
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
usually
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childen
can feel unpleasant, unhappy or even

stressful, which may form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behavior
Possible spelling mistake found.
patterms
in the early age. In the terms of educational

environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can contact with naughty friends and suffer from the study pressure during

the times they study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
conficts
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
happended
, they can act without thinking and

cause unexpected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violences
.
Moreover
, social media
also
pose a serious threat on
Possible spelling mistake found.
childen
’s

behavior. Thanks to accessing to the internet, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
lots of violent films and stories without

being controlled
from family and community. By this way, they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
behaviors and

attitudes such as using the acts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggressition
to handle the various problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of above

reasons, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
situation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do not have signs of decreasing.

However
, There are several
Possible spelling mistake found.
sollutions
to address this issue.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
upbringing, they

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have responsibility in controlling their children on watching unsuitable contents on the internet.

Especially
, from an early age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should to
Possible spelling mistake found.
moritor
and adjust
appropriately
if their children act

wrongly
instead
of putting stains on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
aspect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should be a safe

Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge and perfect personality. The teachers and educators

should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
support and guide them to do the right things.  
Besides
,

About the effects of media, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
by letting the competent authorities to tighten the

content, and reshaping unsuitable social media.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundationary
Possible spelling mistake found.
sollutions
is students

The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
right awareness, they ought to know which behaviors are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and

therefore
self- adjust to avoid the consequences caused by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
actions.

In conclusion
, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to eliminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
out of hand, several measures

can
be taken
to limit this issue by efforts of community
as well
as the cooperation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay nowadays, the increasing number of schools in vietnam are facing with the alarming issue, school violence. what do you you think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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