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Nowadays, technology widely used in education. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Nowadays, technology widely used in education. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage? 1128G
At the present time, technology is quite useful for our life, in a number of fields, especially in education. I rely on that the perks of technology surpass its lacks in education. According to some people, technology is risky for health and can lead to cancer and obesity. Therefore, when people utilize these devices, at this time, they focus on the screen. After a period of time, they can feel that their eyes watered and ache. That is related to the ray of computer. It can be also a serious problem for humans’ eyes. Particularly, that is harmful for employees who are working behind the computers for a long time. Because of their structure of job, they are obliged to work from nine to five. Apart from this, currently, almost all lessons are organized via new programs which assist students for participating in the lessons from the distance. In the opinion of these people, it affects to the students’ marks. Since, some families do not have cutting-edge technologies, even internet connection. Thereby, that is imposible for them to join lessons. On the other hand, I am completely satisfied with the new technologies. I support the idea of the advantages of technologies surpass its dravbacks. We are able to get any information about anything that is related to the our lessons. If we have a foreign subject and if we do not have any knowledge about this subject in that case we can translate some unfamiliar sentences to the our own languages. If you are willing to discuss about lessons with your groupmate, it is possible to call someone who is really far away from you and you can keep in touch with this person from the long distance. All kind of innovations are related to the internet connection. On the one hand, that is the special remedy for the students who have difficulties about the distance. They can install a mobile communication program and with one click they can take part in the lessons. In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of these technologies, however that can be solvable. Finally, from my point of view, the benefits of technologies in education are more than the lacks.
At the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is quite useful for our life, in a number of fields,
especially
in education. I rely on that the perks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
surpass its lacks in education.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is risky for health and can lead to cancer and obesity.
Therefore
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilize these devices, at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they focus on the screen. After a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can feel that their eyes watered and ache. That
is related
to the ray of computer. It can be
also
a serious problem for humans’ eyes.
Particularly
,
that is
harmful for employees who are working behind the computers for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their structure of job, they
are obliged
to work from nine to five. Apart from this,
currently
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are organized
via new programs which assist students for participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
from the distance. In the opinion of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it affects to the students’ marks. Since,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families do not have cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, even internet connection. Thereby,
that is
Possible spelling mistake found.
imposible
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
lessons.

On the other hand
, I am completely satisfied with the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
surpass its
Possible spelling mistake found.
dravbacks
. We are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information about anything that
is related
to the our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
. If we have a foreign subject and if we do not have any knowledge about this subject
in that case
we can translate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfamiliar sentences to the our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
languages. If you are willing to discuss about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
with your
Possible spelling mistake found.
groupmate
, it is possible to call someone who is
really
far away from you and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with this person from the long distance. All kind of innovations
are related
to the internet connection. On the one hand,
that is
the special remedy for the students who have difficulties about the distance. They can install a mobile communication program and with one click they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
.
In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
,
however
that can be solvable.
Finally
, from my point of view, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in education are more than the lacks.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, technology widely used in education. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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