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Nowadays networks is so huge impact on humans mind that mostly teens consume in their daily life. What is the problem of using and give solution?

Nowadays networks is so huge impact on humans mind that mostly teens consume in their daily life. What is the problem of using and give solution? xgNkw
In the era of globalization, the network so strongly affects the intelligence of people that adolescents cannot imagine their life without it. More influenced by different games that people become obsessed with. Spending more time on websites makes teenagers lazy in any work, it will also affect their health and, of course, their studies. Firstly, if you spend a lot of time on the Internet, people will become lazy, and even later they will find it difficult to move from place to place. Because of what the body becomes accustomed to doing nothing and of course the obese body. Also affects vision, which as a result, a person cannot see. Secondly, nowadays academic performance, interest in study teenagers fall day the day. That the reason is different games on computers, furthermore, visiting sites prohibiting their age. These are global problems that must be solved.
In the era of globalization, the network
so
strongly
affects the intelligence of
people
that adolescents cannot imagine their life without it. More influenced by
different
games that
people
become obsessed with. Spending more time on websites
makes
teenagers
lazy in any work, it will
also
affect their health and,
of course
, their studies.

Firstly
, if you spend
a lot of
time on the Internet,
people
will become lazy, and even later they will find it difficult to
move
from place to place.
Because
of what the body becomes accustomed to doing nothing and
of course
the obese body.
Also
affects vision, which
as a result
, a person cannot
see
.
Secondly
, nowadays academic performance, interest in study
teenagers
fall day the day. That the reason is
different
games on computers,
furthermore
, visiting sites prohibiting their age.

These are global problems that
must
be solved
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays networks is so huge impact on humans mind that mostly teens consume in their daily life. What is the problem of using and give solution?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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