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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing(for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing(for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages B1mV
Day by day technology is getting better and better but that does not give any person or organisation to keep track of what people are doing in their everyday life. Monitoring of conversations and everyday tasks through cell phones and various other devices could be misused and taken advantage of, if fallen into the wrong hands. The advancement of technology is a huge achievement for human beings but that doesn’t justify that its safe and secure. Development of technology helped us in curing cancer, destroying cybercrime, creating new and more advanced machines and many more for that matter but there are still some setbacks that are there in the shadows that we don’t see. Cybercrime originated from the fast-developing computers itself. The malfunctioning in faulty machines has taken so many lives in the industrial sectors that some companies are switching back to the old ways of doing things by hand. The fast-growing sector of internet created a portal called the dark web where people commute in illegal business and even share private video of everyday human being. Tracking of everything we do in our daily life without our knowledge gives the other person a leverage on your whole life. He or She can manipulate us or even blackmail someone in doing something bad. Imagine someone spying on you through the camera in your phone/laptop and seeing everything you do, listening to every word you are saying, every conversation you are having with your friends or family members or even hacking your device and stealing all the money from your account. In conclusion, where the advantages in the development of technology have helped us in so many ways, people should never forget that these progressions itself could stab them in the back on day.
Day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is getting better and better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not give any person or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing in their everyday life.

Monitoring of conversations and everyday tasks through cell phones and various other devices could
be misused
and taken advantage of, if fallen into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands. The advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a huge achievement for human beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that doesn’t justify that its safe and secure.

Development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us in curing cancer, destroying cybercrime, creating new and more advanced machines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more for that matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
setbacks that are there in the shadows that we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. Cybercrime originated from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-developing computers itself. The malfunctioning in faulty machines has taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the industrial sectors that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are switching back to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways of doing things by hand.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing sector of internet created a portal called the dark web where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commute in illegal business and even share private video of everyday human being. Tracking of everything we do in our daily life without our knowledge gives the other person a leverage on your whole life. He or She can manipulate us or even blackmail someone in doing something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Imagine someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spies", "spied".
spying
on you through the camera in your phone/laptop and seeing everything you do, listening to every word you are saying, every conversation you are having with your friends or family members or even hacking your device and stealing all the money from your account.

In conclusion
, where the advantages in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should never forget that these progressions itself could stab them in the back on day.
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing(for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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