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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphones tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphones tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages 9gWr
In recent years, advantages in technology have allowed governments, the police and privately owned companies to keep the public under constant surveillance. In many major cities and towns, security cameras are recording the movements of ordinary citizens. Whenever a cellphone is used, the call is logged, so the service provider knows exactly when and where the user made the call. Invisible satellites orbit on Earth, watching us whether we like it or not. Is this, however, a development we should welcome? Certainly there are benefits. In areas where there is a high crime rate, the use of security cameras may act as a deterrent to criminals: if they can see camera, they may think twice about braking into a building or stealing a car. If a crime is carried out, then a camera may provide useful evidence. The same is true for a cellphone; the police sometimes rely on call logs to help them trace the whereabouts of suspects or victims. On the other hand, there are a number of concerns. In countries where human rights are ignored, the use of security cameras or listening devices may be harmful to society. People should be able to hold meetings and express their opinions without their privacy being invaded. There is also a very different issue we should consider. Nowadays, many people upload personal information and photographs onto social networking sites; they often do not realise how easy it is for other people to view this information or for the site owners to use the data or photographs for their own financial gain. It seems inevitable that there will be more and more ways to monitor society in the future. However, it is our responsibility to evaluate new technology and decide whether it will do more harm than good. Surely our freedom is more valuable than technological progress.
In recent years, advantages in technology have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, the police and
privately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the public under constant surveillance. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major cities and towns, security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are recording the movements of ordinary citizens. Whenever a cellphone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, the call
is logged
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the service provider knows exactly when and where the user made the call. Invisible satellites orbit on Earth, watching us whether we like it or not. Is this,
however
, a development we should welcome?
Certainly
there are benefits. In areas where there is a high crime rate, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
may act as a deterrent to criminals: if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice about braking into a building or stealing a car. If a crime
is carried
out, then a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
may provide useful evidence. The same is true for a cellphone; the police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
rely on call logs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them trace the whereabouts of suspects or victims.
On the other hand
, there are a number of concerns. In countries where human rights are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
or listening devices may be harmful to society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should be able to hold meetings and express their opinions without their privacy
being invaded
. There is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issue we should consider. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
upload personal information and photographs onto social networking sites; they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how easy it is for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to view this information or for the site owners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the data or photographs for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial gain. It seems inevitable that there will be more and more ways to monitor society in the future.
However
, it is our responsibility to evaluate new technology and decide whether it will do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Surely
our freedom is more valuable than technological progress.
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphones tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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