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Nowadays sportsman are earning more money than others. Some people say they deserve it while other ague. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Nowadays sportsman are earning more money than others. Some people say they deserve it while other ague. 708pA
In recent year, Athletics are earning more money than others while some individuals say that they deserve it whereas others are in opposite. I will discuss both the view point in upcoming paragraph. On the one hand, there are ample of reason why sportsman are earning more. First and foremost, they are doing hardwork to fulfill their dreams in sport game. They give their best to win game. They are not well educated but they gave their whole time to sports to complete their dreams. Many of the Athletics are not well educated they gave their best and do hardwork to come in this position. For example, Mahendra Singh Dhoni he was a ticket collector then he gave his best in cricket and now he is the famous cricketer in the world. Secondly, the sportsperson gave their time in the sport complex they only go two to three days at their home. As a result they did not get family time because they have to represent themselves in sports game. On the other hand, there are those who are arguing with this trend. Firstly by earning more money other facilities get failed. To explain, most of the children prefer to play game instead of studies. Their mind will be diverted in the game and they pass their study time in playing computer games and sports games. This will impact on their results. Secondly there are various streams where people are doing hardwork but they do not earn good money. So authorities have to gave some amount of wealth to other profession and encourage more people, by this they can also live healthy lifestyle. To conclude and give my opinion both the perspective have their own significance I believe that government should give equal money to both of them.
In recent year, Athletics are earning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than others while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that they deserve it whereas others are in opposite. I will discuss both the view point in upcoming paragraph.

On the one hand, there are ample of reason why sportsman are earning more.
First
and foremost, they are doing
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hardwork
to fulfill their dreams in
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sport
game. They give their best to win game. They are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gave
their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to complete their dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the Athletics are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
they
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gave
their best and do
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hardwork
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in this position.
For example
,
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Mahendra
Singh
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Dhoni
he was a ticket collector then he
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gave
his best in cricket and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer in the world.
Secondly
, the sportsperson
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gave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
complex they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
go two to three days at their home.
As a result
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
represent themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game.

On the
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other
hand, there are those who are arguing with this trend.
Firstly
by earning more
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
failed. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, most of the children prefer to play game
instead
of studies. Their mind will
be diverted
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
game and
they pass their study
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time
in playing computer
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games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This will impact on their results.
Secondly
there are various streams where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing hardwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of wealth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
profession and encourage more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, by this they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy lifestyle.

To conclude
and give my opinion both the perspective have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to both of them.
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IELTS essay Nowadays sportsman are earning more money than others. Some people say they deserve it while other ague.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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