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Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs, which you think should offer higher salaries?

Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs, which you think should offer higher salaries? 2DL6
The salary of any job is dependent on the basis of their rank since these days doctors, engineers and lawyers get good packages than others because of their first-class jobs. I believe that these jobs are professional and they should be highly paid and I will describe my views in the subsequent paragraphs with the causes of, why the highest salary should be given to the doctors. To begin with, health care providers play a vital role in the country. Since various human diseases and disorders are managed by doctors which are dangerous for life. Moreover, in society, some individuals commit crimes due to which they are sent to jails by the judicial and hence lawyers provide safety to societies by eliminating criminals. Apart from it, the modern era is completely based on technology because of which most of the difficult works are done by machines in a couple of seconds. Furthermore, the doctors, who work hard in their learning time, can get more salary than others. In addition to it, not only lots of tuition fees are paid by the doctors during the study but also they invest many years in their course and after degree to get experience. Moreover, some doctors are so busy with their schedules even they do not give so much time to their family. Consequently, the doctors sacrifice their life for people and society, therefore people consider them God. Conclusively, although it depends on the experience and grade of the post that how much salary should be got by them. However, doctors, engineers and lawyers are professional posts in which doctors are the most reputated persons.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of any job is dependent on the basis of their rank since these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, engineers and lawyers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
packages than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
first
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
jobs. I believe that these jobs are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professional and
they should be
highly
paid and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
my views in the subsequent paragraphs with the causes of, why the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the doctors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, health care providers play a vital role in the country. Since various human diseases and disorders
are managed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for life.
Moreover
, in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals commit crimes due to which they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jails by the judicial and
hence
lawyers provide safety to societies by eliminating criminals. Apart from it, the modern era is completely based on technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which most of the difficult works
are done
by machines in a couple of seconds.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, who work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in their learning time, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
than others.
In addition
to it, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lots of tuition fees
are paid
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
during the study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in their course and after degree to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their schedules even they do not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time to their family.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
sacrifice their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and society,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider them God.

Conclusively
, although it depends on the experience and grade of the post that how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
by them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, engineers and lawyers are professional posts in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
reputated
persons.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs, which you think should offer higher salaries?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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