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Nowadays some people think that public libraries are not necessary, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion and examples. v.2

Nowadays some people think that public libraries are not necessary, while others disagree. v. 2
In the modern days, technology helps humans in a variety of ways. It also gives effects on people’s relationships, which can be included convenient communication, faster information transfer; however, from my perspective, there are negative effects among this trend. Advanced technology gives human convenience in interactions to each other. Firstly, the mechanics of business works have been changed by devices, such as telephones and fax machines. In the past, people had hand-written letters and telegrams to transmit information, instead great devices have taken over like in the present. Besides, communications applications, like Facebook, Zoom and Discord, bring people closer more than ever, and change the world into a smaller place with online meetings, sharing the same interests via laptop or smart phones. In spite of the benefits that telecommunication gives to us, I think that it creates bad effects among people. There are new problems such as isolation and discouragement of real interaction which are more popular because of social media attracting young people. For instance, adolescences spend too much on phones just to swipe their fingers on virtual environments like Instagram and Twitter on the internet, while in real life, they are introvert. Furthermore, taking electronic devices for too long can also create a sedentary lifestyle, when people are just fonder of virtual reality online. In conclusion, modern advanced automation helps people to have easier contact with each other; however, it contains a risk of isolation and discrimination, making people not always be positive among the evolution of this machinery era.
In the modern days, technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
humans in a variety of ways. It
also
gives effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationships, which can
be included
convenient communication, faster information transfer;
however
, from my perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects among this trend.

Advanced technology gives human convenience in interactions to each other.
Firstly
, the mechanics of business works have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by devices, such as telephones and fax machines. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had hand-written letters and telegrams to transmit information,
instead
great devices have taken over like in the present.
Besides
, communications applications, like Facebook, Zoom and Discord, bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer more than ever, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world into a smaller place with online meetings, sharing the same interests via laptop or smart phones.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the benefits that telecommunication gives to us, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are new problems such as isolation and discouragement of real interaction which are more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social media attracting young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, adolescences spend too much on phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to swipe their fingers on virtual environments like Instagram and Twitter on the internet, while in real life, they are introvert.
Furthermore
, taking electronic devices for too long can
also
create a sedentary lifestyle, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fonder of virtual reality online.

In conclusion
, modern advanced automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have easier contact with each other;
however
, it contains a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of isolation and discrimination, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
among the evolution of this machinery era.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays some people think that public libraries are not necessary, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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