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Nowadays some people prefer to purchase large number pf toys for their kids. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages

Nowadays some people prefer to purchase large number pf toys for their kids. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages X1y8
undoubtedly, in this contemporary era, technology plays an imperative role in everybody's life. Many masses buy toys for their kids to play with. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this issue. To commence with, there are plethora of advantages of playing with toys. On the one hand, playing with toys is helpful because it makes child's mind creative as well as makes them active. Take scramble game as an example which boost their knowledge and make children's mind sharper because they learn communication skills from such games. As a result, playing with technological really help to boost thier
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
undoubtedly
, in this contemporary era, technology plays an imperative role in everybody's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
toys for their kids to play with. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this issue. To commence with, there are plethora of advantages of playing with toys. On the one hand, playing with toys is helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
child's mind creative
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them active. Take scramble game as an example which boost their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children's mind sharper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from such games.
As a result
, playing with technological
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
thier
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IELTS essay Nowadays some people prefer to purchase large number pf toys for their kids. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
100 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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