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Nowadays, some people prefer staying single. What is your opinion about it ?

Nowadays, some people prefer staying single. What is your opinion about it? 6x3VW
As the economy is strongly growing, many young and middle-aged people have chosen the single lifestyle. Specifically, the tendency of staying single is increasing among young people. From my point of view, I consider staying single isn’t a bad choice. Firstly, single people tend to be more concentrate on their careers. We can completely independent of our economy and don’t have to worry about any marital circumstances. Secondly, we totally freedom of mental burden. For instance, we don’t bother about raising children or relations with wife or husband. Furthermore, we also have freedom of activities, we can spend free time with our family and take good care for them. Otherwise, taking care and training yourself to be a great citizen is worthy when we stay single. Taking everything into consideration, to live a comfortable and free life, staying single is the best choice. Overall, we can have much time to achieve our goal and having wonderful time for family.
As the economy is
strongly
growing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young and middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have chosen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
lifestyle.
Specifically
, the tendency of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
is increasing among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. From my point of view, I consider staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
isn’t a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choice.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be more concentrate on their careers. We
The word 'independent' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
can completely independent
of our economy and don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about any marital circumstances.
Secondly
, we
totally
freedom of mental burden.
For instance
, we don’t bother about raising children or relations with wife or husband.
Furthermore
, we
also
have freedom of activities, we can spend free time with our family and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care for them.
Otherwise
, taking care and training yourself to be a great citizen is worthy when we stay single.

Taking everything into consideration, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable and free life, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
is the best choice.
Overall
, we can have much time to achieve our goal and having wonderful time for family.

IELTS essay Nowadays, some people prefer staying single. What is your opinion about it?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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