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Nowadays, some people believe that fashion is too important for young people and it has a negative impact on people and society. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some people believe that fashion is too important for young people and it has a negative impact on people and society. YLdYj
Some people argue that clothing has a vital role among youth, and it can cause drawbacks as the importance of trend. I fully agree with the point of view and this essay will highlight the negatives of the perspective to regard clothes as too crucial parts of the life. To begin with, the main disadvantage is that young people spend too much money on shopping. These days, they tend to buy expensive named-clothes, even though they cannot afford to buy it by themselves. Youth may try to borrow money from their parents for getting expensive items. Moreover, These improper consumption for buying them can be unluckily repeated. According to the recent survey from Korea Herald, it reported that almost 80 percents of young people desire to get name-brand clothes and nearly 40 percents of them rely on their parents in order to buy the clothes. It is clearly seen that the excessive consumption on shopping brings financial issues on both parents and their young children. On top of that, another disadvantage is that the importance of fashion can cause the social problem. This is because that the tendency to judge people by their appearance is gradually growing. People judged others by what they wear for the fashion has taken a crucial part in their life. These days, young people are likely to divide financial classes by people’s wearings, and easily ignore the people who wear cheaper-price garments. To judge people by the price of their clothes will bring the social deprivation among youth in the long term. In fact, from my experience, I asked my mother for buying a padding wear which cost over 500 dollars as avoiding the feeling of social deprivation from the peer group during my childhood. therefore, I think that the importance of fashion can have a negative impact on not only people, but also society. In conclusion, as the reasons above show, I believe that the perspective of considering clothes as a significant stuff is able to cause financial and social problems, such as the excessive consumption and social deprivation. Therefore, people should have an effort to not establish these materialistic social atmosphere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that clothing has a vital role among youth, and it can cause drawbacks as the importance of trend. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of view and this essay will highlight the negatives of the perspective to regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as too crucial parts of the life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main disadvantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend too much money on shopping. These days, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive named-clothes,
even though
they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it by themselves. Youth may try to borrow money from their parents for getting expensive items.
Moreover
, These improper consumption for buying them can be
unluckily
repeated. According to the recent survey from Korea Herald, it reported that almost 80 percents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
name-brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and
nearly
40 percents of them rely on their parents in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the excessive consumption on shopping brings financial issues on both parents and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children.

On top of that
, another disadvantage is that the importance of fashion can cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problem. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that the tendency to judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by their appearance is
gradually
growing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
judged others by what they wear for the fashion has taken a crucial part in their life. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to divide financial classes by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
wearings, and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who wear cheaper-price garments. To judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by the price of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
will bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
deprivation among youth in the long term. In fact, from my experience, I asked my mother for buying a padding wear which cost over 500 dollars as avoiding the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
deprivation from the peer group during my childhood.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the importance of fashion can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
society.

In conclusion
, as the reasons above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, I believe that the perspective of considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as a significant stuff is able to cause financial and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems, such as the excessive consumption and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
deprivation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have an effort to not establish these materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
atmosphere.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, some people believe that fashion is too important for young people and it has a negative impact on people and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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