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Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, while others believe it has negative effects on the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, while others believe it has negative effects on the society. v. 1
There is a phenomenon that governments in some countries take measures to stimulate consumers to purchase more goods, while people hold opposite views toward this issue. Both sides of this argument will be discussed in this essay, followed by my own opinion. People who advocate this trend may have following reasons. Firstly, the increasing consumption of goods could benefit the economy. It will drive the demand for more products, which could improve the productivity; it can also generate more employment opportunities, increase people’s income and enable them to afford more products and services. Consequently, there will be constantly increasing demand for products. Furthermore, purchasing more products can provide a sense of fulfillment for consumers. It is proven by psychologists that the purchasing behavior can increase happiness to people because people would feel that they can control their life by consumption. However, for those who against people to buy more products, they may also have persuasive reasons. To begin with, factories have to produce more products to meet the rising demand, this will result in more pollutant emissions, land-use and deforestation, which are main factors contributing to climate change. In addition, in order to buy more goods, people have to work harder to earn more money. As the working time becomes longer, the time spend with friends and family would be inevitably reduced. Thus, they may lose some close friends who can share happiness and sorrow with and more disputes may occur with the family. To conclude, the national-wide pursuit for economic prosperity brings both benefits and drawbacks. In my opinion, the encouragement for people to buy more goods can contribute to the economic development and bring happiness to individuals. But the negative impacts on the environment and personal relationship cannot be neglected.
There is a phenomenon that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries take measures to stimulate consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold opposite views toward this issue. Both sides of this argument will
be discussed
in this essay, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who advocate this trend may have following reasons.
Firstly
, the increasing consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
could benefit the economy. It will drive the demand for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity; it can
also
generate more employment opportunities, increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
income and enable them to afford more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services.
Consequently
, there will be
constantly
increasing demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Furthermore
, purchasing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can provide a sense of fulfillment for consumers. It
is proven
by psychologists that the purchasing behavior can increase happiness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would feel that they can control their life by consumption.

However
, for those who against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they may
also
have persuasive reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the rising demand, this will result in more pollutant emissions, land-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and deforestation, which are main factors contributing to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
In addition
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder to earn more money. As the working time becomes longer, the time spend with friends and family would be
inevitably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
Thus
, they may lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
close friends who can share happiness and sorrow with and more disputes may occur with the family.

To conclude
, the national-wide pursuit for economic prosperity brings both benefits and drawbacks. In my opinion, the encouragement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can contribute to the economic development and bring happiness to individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment and personal relationship cannot
be neglected
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, while others believe it has negative effects on the society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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