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Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v.1

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v. 1
Nowadays, many companies employ a number of methods of advertising their products which has led to widespread consumerism and these wide scale and effective advertising methods can sometimes lead people to buy unnecessary stuff. Many people believe that consumerism is good, but there are others who think otherwise. In this essay, I'll discuss the positives and negatives of consumerism. Firstly, many international companies not only target rich countries, but they also target underdeveloped countries for their sales. Many developing countries have very volatile and weak economic structures and when widespread consumerism becomes common owing to effective advertising campaigns by international firms, their fragile economies often find it hard to cope with the financial efflux and the disparity between the imports and exports. Secondly, Consumerism is often responsible for a growing rift between different economic classes of the society and it is often portrayed to be something that only privileged people do. This often creates dissent among the poor and can sometimes result in the crimes and theft. Consumerism can aid many companies to allocate more funds for research and development and this in turn can help the companies to have more competitive and refined products in the global market which in turn boosts their country exports. It also creates employment opportunities for people because companies can now employ more people against the increasing demands for their products. Consumerism can also result in the flow of cash from rich to poor people because many high end and expensive products target, financially stable and strong people and the profits from these sales can be equally disimbursed among the company and workers. In conclusion, Consumerism is on the rise because of the effective and modern advertising techniques and this had negative effects on the economies of some countries, but overall, consumerism has also led to the development of the industrial sector, which in turn employs many people so therefore, controlled consumerism is not necessarily a bad thing and as it can have many advantages globally and nationally.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
employ a number of methods of advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which has led to widespread consumerism and these wide scale and effective advertising methods can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary stuff.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that consumerism is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In this essay, I'll discuss the positives and negatives of consumerism.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
target rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
target underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their sales.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
volatile and weak economic structures and when widespread consumerism becomes common owing to effective advertising campaigns by international firms, their fragile economies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to cope with the financial efflux and the disparity between the imports and exports.
Secondly
, Consumerism is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
responsible for a growing rift between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
economic classes of the society and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
portrayed to be something that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
creates dissent among the poor and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
result in the crimes and theft.

Consumerism can aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to allocate more funds for research and development and this in turn can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to have more competitive and refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the global market which in turn boosts their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
exports. It
also
creates employment opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
employ more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
against the increasing demands for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Consumerism can
also
result in the flow of cash from rich to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
and expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
target,
financially
stable and strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the profits from these sales can be
equally
Possible spelling mistake found.
disimbursed
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and workers.

In conclusion
, Consumerism is on the rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the effective and modern advertising techniques and this had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the economies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
overall
, consumerism has
also
led to the development of the industrial sector, which in turn employs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
therefore
, controlled consumerism is not
necessarily
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing and as it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages globally and
nationally
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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