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Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v.2

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v. 2
To make business more productive and profitable many organisations rely on advertisements in internet, magazines and billboards. This selling method can make consumers buy unnecessary products, attracting them by beautiful pictures or appearance. This essay will show good and bad sides of using this method. Firstly, the main benefit of online advertising is that you are always familiar with the recent, modern goods which are popular. Moreover, it is convenient and comfortable for people in searching for particular items in online. For example, if you want to buy furniture, there are a lot of online adverts, you can find out about this product via mobile sitting at one place. Another advantage of billboard advert is that products which are on a big screen are most reliable and worthwhile because they are often controlled by government or tax agencies. Thus, it makes us clear why advertisements are effective for consumers. On the other hand, this type of selling product is forcing people consume unimportant items especially parents. For instance, children watch many adverts on TV about toys, sweets etc. Then they make parents get them. Also, people often rely on the product too much which are advertising, but the quality of that item can be low. Furthermore, adverts in magazines are not good for the ecosystem, as we know paper is made from wood in order to get them people cut down trees consequently they destroy forests. In conclusion, making profits thanks to online, paper advertisements is becoming the main tool in the business industry, although they encourage clients to buy unimportant things. Despite the disadvantages of this method the advantages outweigh drawbacks.
To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
business more productive and profitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
rely on advertisements in internet, magazines and billboards. This selling method can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, attracting them by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
pictures or appearance. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sides of using this method.

Firstly
, the main benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
advertising is that you are always familiar with the recent, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which are popular.
Moreover
, it is convenient and comfortable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in searching for particular items in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
, if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
furniture, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
adverts, you can find out about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
via mobile sitting at one place. Another advantage of billboard advert is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen are most reliable and worthwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
controlled by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or tax agencies.
Thus
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why advertisements are effective for consumers.

On the other hand
, this type of selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume unimportant items
especially
parents.
For instance
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts on TV about toys, sweets etc. Then they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
too much which are advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the quality of that item can be low.
Furthermore
, adverts in magazines are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the ecosystem, as we know paper
is made
from wood in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down trees
consequently
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
forests.

In conclusion
, making profits thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, paper advertisements is becoming the main tool in the business industry, although they encourage clients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unimportant things. Despite the disadvantages of this method the advantages outweigh drawbacks.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy products that they do not really need? What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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