Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays, some children have an unhealthy lifestyle, and both schools and parents are in charge of solving this.

Nowadays, some children have an unhealthy lifestyle, and both schools and parents are in charge of solving this. m13DO
First of all, the starting point of having an unhealthy lifestyle is how much care the child takes care of himself, because ıf she or he does not think about their health then they will do the things, which are unhealthy. For instance; spending too much time on the computer, having unbalanced diet, addictions and not enough sleeping. Parents have a high impact on their children's health, because families are role models for their children, and children start acting similar as their family, because this is what they see. Also, children lifestyle depends on their family decisions. For instance; when the parents divorce, therefore, this will affect their child psychology. Schools also have a high effect on children's health in a good and bad way, but these effects are a little bit different than the family does. Schools mostly affect the mental part, which is psychology, because of exams, teacher pressure, too much future thinking and friendship issues. However, schools have a good effect as well. In some schools they have some classes, which will affect the children's lifestyle. For example; wellness and fitness, culinary, this is very important, because this may build up the children's diet, future planning, this course helps the children about preparing the future life. Basically, this is not just about parents and schools, it is also about the children self care, because family and school can just show the way but they cannot change it. Children have to see this with their own.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the starting point of having an unhealthy lifestyle is how much care the child takes care of himself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
ıf
she or he does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their health then they will do the things, which are unhealthy.
For instance
; spending too much time on the computer, having unbalanced diet, addictions and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleeping. Parents have a high impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are role models for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
acting similar as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lifestyle depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
decisions.
For instance
; when the parents divorce,
therefore
, this will affect their child psychology.

Schools
also
have a high effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
health in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these effects are a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
mostly
affect the mental part, which is psychology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exams, teacher pressure, too much future thinking and friendship issues.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect
as well
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes, which will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
lifestyle.
For example
; wellness and fitness, culinary, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this may build up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
diet, future planning, this course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about preparing the future life.

Basically
, this is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, it is
also
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
self care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Nowadays, some children have an unhealthy lifestyle, and both schools and parents are in charge of solving this.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts