Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Increase in population of older people in some countries

Increase in population of older people in some countries GM95w
This is an ongoing debate between different group of individuals in several regions. Former group believes that increasing ratio of older people is beneficial. On the other hand, latter group is taking this as a drawback. Before giving my opinion, both views need to be critiqued in the ensuing write ups. Discussing the former view, the foremost argument put forward by the supporters is increasing proportion of senior citizens is beneficial. Older people are more experienced than youngsters therefore, they can teach morals of life as well as disciplines to other family members. Moreover, senior citizens have more knowledge about culture and the history of our nation, thereby, the children of the family can learn that things from the. Older people are the support to the family, they can solve many problems in a better way. In instance, children of the family have a great connections with their grandparents. So, older people play an important role in thriving of a child Contradictorily, the latter view states that there are many drawbacks with the increasing rate of older people. As the rate of senior citizens increasing, the expenses behind their medical care is also increasing. Furthermore, they become a burden on the family. It can be difficult for the working members of the family to take care of them. Moreover, new generation would not like any interference of elder people. For example, the adults easily get angry if their parents or grandparents interfere in their work. To sum up and I give my opinion, I would support the former view that the increasing proportion of older people is beneficial. It is because there is no better support for a family than elders.
This is an ongoing debate between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group of individuals in several regions. Former group believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is beneficial.
On the other hand
, latter group is taking this as a drawback.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
giving my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
need to
be critiqued
in the ensuing
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
write ups
.

Discussing the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the foremost argument put forward by the supporters is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
proportion of senior citizens is beneficial.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more experienced than youngsters
therefore
, they can teach morals of life
as well
as disciplines to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Moreover
, senior citizens have more knowledge about culture and the history of our nation, thereby, the children of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can learn that things from
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in a better way. In instance, children of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have a great
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "connection"?
connections
with their grandparents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in thriving of a child

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contradictorily
, the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
states that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As the rate of senior citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
, the expenses behind their medical care is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
.
Furthermore
, they become a burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It can be difficult for the working members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to take care of them.
Moreover
, new generation would not like any interference of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, the adults
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
angry if their parents or grandparents interfere in their work.

To sum up and I give my opinion, I would support the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is beneficial. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no better support for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than elders.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Increase in population of older people in some countries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts