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Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet. dqo1P
To a certain extent I agree that today, the influence of TV and Internet in our daily life is immense. However, I also think that radio is still the primary source of information for certain people. On the one hand, it is true that TV and Internet have become essential parts in our daily routines. Firstly, Internet can provide not only a great deal of information but also up- to-date news. People can get access to information they need by using search engines. For example; Google, it provides consistent abundance of facts and people can use it instantly and conveniently anywhere. Secondly, there are many things that we can watch on TV to have fun such as news, films, music, talk shows, documentaries, and so on. Moreover, people can relax using Internet by watching videos in YouTube, playing online games and shopping. Finally, people can communicate with other people from all over the world through social platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Furthermore, we can send messages and make video calls using messaging services to keep in touch with friends. On the other hand, although people think that radios are old-fashioned, old people who are not able to use the Internet and people who live in rural areas where cannot get Internet still use the radio to know the current affairs. They also listen radio for entertainment because radio broadcasting transmits not only current affairs but also music, and interviews. Although radio has many drawbacks, it can be used without electricity. But TV and Internet cannot be utilized, if there is no electricity. In conclusion, even though most people enjoy watching television and using the Internet, radio remains the main source of news for some people.
To a certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the influence of TV and Internet in our daily life is immense.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
is
still
the primary source of information for certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it is true that TV and Internet have become essential parts in our daily routines.
Firstly
, Internet can provide not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a great deal of information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
up- to-date news.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to information they need by using search engines.
For example
; Google, it provides consistent abundance of facts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
instantly
and
conveniently
anywhere.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV to have fun such as news, films, music, talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, documentaries, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can relax using Internet by watching videos in YouTube, playing online games and shopping.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world through social platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Furthermore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls using messaging services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends.

On the other hand
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radios
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural areas where cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Internet
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
to know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs. They
also
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
for entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
broadcasting transmits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
music, and interviews. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
without electricity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
TV and Internet cannot
be utilized
, if there is no electricity.

In conclusion
,
even though
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy watching television and using the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
remains the main source of news for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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