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It is sometimes argued that it is more necessary to invest government funds on health promotion in order to prevent illnesses, rather that spending money for the medical treatment of the people who has diseases. I am convinced that allocating budget for health education and programs are considerably more significant.

It is sometimes argued that it is more necessary to invest government funds on health promotion in order to prevent illnesses, rather that spending money for the medical treatment of the people who has diseases. I am convinced that allocating budget for health education and programs are considerably more significant. gD52O
It is sometimes argued that it is more necessary to invest government funds on health promotion in order to prevent illnesses, rather that spending money for the medical treatment of the people who has diseases. I am convinced that allocating budget for health education and programs are considerably more significant. To begin with, I believe that it is a waste of money and efforts for the government to finance the medical treatment of people who has acute and chronic diseases. This is because, remedy and therapy are extremely expensive, since it will be needing some machineries and high-end medicines as well as facilities, thus it will take a lot of man power and resources to address this scheme. In addition, it will only benefit few people. For instance, a patient who needs to undergo a brain tumor operation should have the service of the hospital with brain specialists and surgeons, therefore it will require a huge amount of money for the surgery, post – operative medicine and recuperation stage in the hospital. As a result, the economy of the government will be in unfavorable condition due to expenditure that are costly which consequently for a cause of small number of people. Furthermore, I strongly agreed that, providing financial support for health promotion is vital. This is due to the fact that promoting a healthy lifestyle are more efficient and beneficial to the society on long – term basis. For example, the Covid -19 immunization program of the Department of Health specially for front liners, senior citizens, persons with comorbidities and young children, will prevent these members of the society to experience the life-threatening conditions cause by this virus, which eventually is a vast help for the health sector. Moreover, educating and encouraging the public of the positive aspects that vaccination can bring about to their health are less expensive and realistic to achieve. Therefore, government expenditure on health promotion campaign and program are highly recommended. In conclusion, governments funds should spend money for health education and campaign programs which are fundamental and beneficial for the public healthy lifestyle, and should not waste financial resources that will not improve the welfare of the public.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that it is more necessary to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotion in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illnesses,
rather
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the medical treatment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who has diseases. I
am convinced
that allocating budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
considerably
more significant.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and efforts for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to finance the medical treatment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who has acute and chronic diseases. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, remedy and therapy are
extremely
expensive, since it will
The verb 'needing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be needing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
and high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
medicines
as well
as facilities,
thus
it will take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power and resources to address this scheme.
In addition
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, a patient who needs to undergo a brain tumor operation should have the service of the hospital with brain specialists and surgeons,
therefore
it will require a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the surgery,
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "post-operative".
post – operative
medicine and recuperation stage in the hospital.
As a result
, the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will be in unfavorable condition due to expenditure that are costly which
consequently
for a cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that, providing financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotion is vital.
This is due to the fact that
promoting a healthy lifestyle are more efficient and beneficial to the society on long
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
term basis.
For example
, the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
-19 immunization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
of the Department of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
specially
for front liners, senior citizens, persons with
Possible spelling mistake found.
comorbidities
and young children, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these members of the society to experience the life-threatening conditions cause by this virus, which
eventually
is a vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.
Moreover
, educating and encouraging the public of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects that vaccination can bring about to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are less expensive and realistic to achieve.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotion campaign and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
are
highly
recommended.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
funds should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and campaign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are fundamental and beneficial for the public healthy lifestyle, and should not waste financial resources that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the welfare of the public.
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IELTS essay It is sometimes argued that it is more necessary to invest government funds on health promotion in order to prevent illnesses, rather that spending money for the medical treatment of the people who has diseases. I am convinced that allocating budget for health education and programs are considerably more significant.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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