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Nowadays more people are migrating to other countries. In order to become integrated, immigrants should abdandon the ol ways and try to adapt to local customs. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays more people are migrating to other countries. In order to become integrated, immigrants should abdandon the ol ways and try to adapt to local customs. ApjW3
The past 100 years have seen a marked increase in the rate of immigration. The major challenge for immigrants is the integration into the new society. Yet there remains some disagreement as to whether the new arrivals should adapt to their new lands or not. Although there are some valid arguments to the contrary, I personally would argue that the adaption to the new nation is essential. Two of the primary reasons associated with this issue are as follows. First of all, the country's culture in which the immigrants arrive would definitely have some characteristics. By not accommodating their behavior, newcomers would unconsciously alter some ancient aspects of the culture. Consequently, despite its benefits on globalization, the world could lose its wide variety of local styles. For instance, having accepted a massive amount of immigrants, especially from developing African nations in this new era, french culture is being modified and french individuals complain about being invaded by others. Further and even more important is the undeniable fact that not only foreigners are mostly from developing countries but also they are likely to come from the less affluent community of their nation. Therefore, their actions are highly unlikely to be acceptable by the hosts. It is absolutely vital for the nations to have a good relationship among the hosts and the new guests. Thus the new arrivals would attempt to develop their own codes of behavior in order to have a better society at the destination. By way of conclusion, I would intend to reaffirm my opinion that new ones are welcome to their new homeland; However, it is necessary to adapt themselves to the new society in order to save the cultures and keep the hosts content.
The past 100 years have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a marked increase in the rate of immigration. The major challenge for immigrants is the integration into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
society.

Yet
there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
arrivals should adapt to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lands or not. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments to the contrary,

I
personally
would argue that the adaption to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is essential. Two of the primary reasons associated with this issue are as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in which the immigrants arrive would definitely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characteristics. By not accommodating their behavior,

newcomers would
unconsciously
alter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ancient aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Consequently
, despite its benefits on globalization, the world could lose its wide variety of local styles.
For instance
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
a massive amount of immigrants,
especially
from developing African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
era, french
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
being modified
and french individuals complain about
being invaded
by others.

Further
and even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is the undeniable fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
foreigners are
mostly
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the less affluent community of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
, their actions are
highly
unlikely to be acceptable by the hosts. It is
absolutely
vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to have a

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship among the hosts and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
guests.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
arrivals would attempt to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
codes of behavior in order to have a better society at the destination.

By way of conclusion, I would intend to reaffirm my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones are welcome to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homeland;
However
, it is necessary to adapt themselves to

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
society in order to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the hosts content.
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IELTS essay Nowadays more people are migrating to other countries. In order to become integrated, immigrants should abdandon the ol ways and try to adapt to local customs.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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