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Nowadays people use different machines and devices to do housework. Do you see it continuing as a trend? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

Nowadays people use different machines and devices to do housework. Do you see it continuing as a trend? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
The family is the smallest unit of the society and its activities consequently affect the larger community. The trend of having a small-sized family is on the uprise around the globe now. This has some benefits such as easy management and proper planning, but it also has some drawbacks. On one hand, in a home with fewer individuals, it is far more convenient to cater for the needs of the family such as feeding, clothing, housing and even school fees as opposed to families with more people. For example, with a monthly salary of N100, 000 in a family of 3, they can afford a comfortable house, buy food and clothing, and the child can attend a decent school. If there is an increase in the number of this family, extra income would be needed to achieve the same. In addition, making future plans can be done more smoothly as it is easier to account for people in modest groups than an extensive one. Likewise, smaller families tend to be more closely knit and share common goals. Monitoring of the whereabouts of each member of the family is also less stressful. On the other hand, a reduced number of children born into families mean that there will be less available manpower, leaving the government, as well as private companies with limited varieties of human resources to choose from. This can in turn result in a decline in the GDP of the country. Furthermore, from an interview conducted on individuals from small-scaled families, a majority of them seem to have had a boring home-life with little activities while growing up. Reports have shown that some people from very small homes tend to stay longer at work while others prefer to go to other hang out spots after work before they finally retire home for the day. In conclusion, even though having a small numbered family can make life boring and also reduce available human resources, it has some great benefits.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the smallest unit of the society and its activities
consequently
affect the larger community. The trend of having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-sized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is on the uprise around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as easy management and proper planning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On one hand, in a home with fewer individuals, it is far more convenient to cater for the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
such as feeding, clothing, housing and even school fees as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, with a monthly salary of N100, 000 in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of 3, they can afford a comfortable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food and clothing, and the child can attend a decent school. If there is an increase in the number of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, extra income would
be needed
to achieve the same.
In addition
, making future plans can
be done
more
smoothly
as it is easier to account for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in modest groups than an extensive one.
Likewise
, smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to be more
closely
knit and share common goals. Monitoring of the whereabouts of each member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
less stressful.

On the other hand
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
number of children born into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
mean that there will be less available manpower, leaving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
as well
as private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with limited varieties of human resources to choose from. This can in turn result in a decline in the GDP of the country.
Furthermore
, from an interview conducted on individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-scaled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, a majority of them seem to have had a boring home-life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
activities while growing up. Reports have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
homes tend to stay longer at work while others prefer to go to other hang out spots after work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
finally
retire home for the day.

In conclusion
,
even though
having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
numbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life boring and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
available human resources, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people use different machines and devices to do housework. Do you see it continuing as a trend? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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