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Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Do you agree with this statement? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.2

Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 2
In this day and age, due to spending too much time at work, many people do not have enough time for their personal life. Although working a lot regarded as thoroughly positive and beneficial to create better future and fulfill their life by a considerable number of people, there are a number of people with an opposing viewpoint. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss why I agree with this statement. To begin with, there are various reasons to decline working more than enough. At first, by working too much time people can reach to further money to support their family. But money is not everything. Being beside each other and spending a time together for family members is mentally useful. For example, in Japan, many of individuals get depressed and commit suicide, because of working lot of time. In addition, working hard is for high income and getting to a great house or lux car and well-being. All of these facilities are for comfort but what profit, if there is no time to use them beside family. In my experience, when I was a student, I had a classmate with a wealthy parent but they have not enough time in the house and he always was protesting of feeling lonely. In conclusion, while there are several compelling debates about this topic, my personal sentiment is that though spending too much time at work have profits in money, it could make us away from family and have to boring life.
In this day and age, due to spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their personal life. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
a lot regarded as
thoroughly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and beneficial to create better future and fulfill their life by a considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with an opposing viewpoint. For the purpose of this essay, I would discuss why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various reasons to decline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. At
first
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reach to
further
money to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
money is not everything. Being beside each other and spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is mentally useful.
For example
, in Japan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed and commit suicide,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
lot of time.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is for high income and getting to a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or lux car and well-being. All of these facilities are for comfort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what profit, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In my experience, when I was a student, I had a classmate with a wealthy parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
he
The adverb 'always' is usually put after the verb 'was'.
always was
protesting of feeling lonely.

In conclusion
, while there are several compelling debates about this topic, my personal sentiment is that though spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work have profits in money, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
boring life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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