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Nowadays, People Of All Ages From Certain Parts Of The World Spend Most Of The Time At Home Rather Than Going Outdoors

Nowadays, People Of All Ages From Certain Parts Of The World Spend Most Of The Time At Home Rather Than Going Outdoors VYKyw
Majority of people tend to stay at home than walking outside. In my opinion, staying home has negative impact for physical, at the same time for mental health. It is clear to understand, every individual wants to relax at home after 8 hours work day, however, walking for 15 minutes in fresh air after dinner gives motivation to the next day. According to the facts, 65 per cent of people feel anxiety, angry after tired day, therefore they should spend more time outside. Moreover, it helps to avoid diseases which may happen to organism. Nowadays, almost every second young generation including children are staying at their apartment most of their times. It can be dangerous in the future, because child might earn viruses easily or get injured if they do not discover the world where they live. Another negative impact, not having social and communication skills, which may affect to mental health of young people. For instance, Americans give teenagers for special schools where they study for social skills and avoid internet. The main reason of staying home is internet, although without it our lives become harder. However, we can teach ourselves to use less internet and do sports, spend time with family, friends and travel. To conclude, going outside seems simple, but today it becomes difficult, therefore, more people receive health issues. However, there are solutions such as travelling, hanging out with close people. Children need to going outside often rather than sitting at home to prevent many problems.
Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to stay at home than walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
. In my opinion, staying home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for physical, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for mental health.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to understand, every individual wants to relax at home after 8 hours work day,
however
, walking for 15 minutes in fresh air after dinner gives motivation to the
next
day. According to the facts, 65 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel anxiety, angry after tired day,
therefore
they should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid diseases which may happen to organism.

Nowadays, almost every second young generation including children are staying at their apartment most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. It can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
child might earn viruses
easily
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured if they do not discover the world where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact, not having social and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which may affect to mental health of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, Americans give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
for special schools where they study for social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and avoid internet. The main reason of staying home is internet, although without it our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
become harder.
However
, we can teach ourselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less internet and do sports, spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family, friends and travel.

To conclude
, going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
seems simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it becomes difficult,
therefore
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive health issues.
However
, there are solutions such as travelling, hanging out with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Children need to going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rather
than sitting at home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, People Of All Ages From Certain Parts Of The World Spend Most Of The Time At Home Rather Than Going Outdoors

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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