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Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree?

Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree? jL7w
At present time, at a first sight, generally people are being judged by their appearance and outer beauty. Hence, mostly the morden generation prefers to keep themselves presentable all the time to the world and some times that results in stressing up themselves with unneccessary financial and physical burdons. In my country the sitution is same where the adults are so much influenced by the stylish clothes, trendy hairsyle, well shapped body, expensive cosmetics and other things which enhances the person’s look. Recently, a famous film actress had under gone the cosmetic surgery to sharpen her jawline by spending thousands of the money. Eventhough such risky cosmetic surgeries are not physically necessary to be done, film artists and models prefer to do these to maintain their glam over the world. On the other hand, I believe in to dress up and have a getup according to the place and occasion. For an example, people at work place should dress up withrespect to the work place decorum. Moreover, I believe in keep individual’s self physically fit and healthy. People with heavy weight does not only look disfigured but they are also on a high risk to have serious health issues. Hence, to keep your weight under normal limits is preferable for healthy and beautiful look. In opinion, people in my country are spending too much money and energy for appearing beautiful that is not requiered all the time. Hence, people should focus on the outer look only if it is requiered.
At present
time
, at a
first
sight,
generally
people
are
being judged
by their appearance and outer beauty.
Hence
,
mostly
the
morden
generation prefers to
keep
themselves presentable all the
time
to the world and
some
times
that results in stressing up themselves with
unneccessary
financial and physical
burdons
.

In my country the
sitution
is same where the adults are
so
much influenced by the stylish clothes, trendy
hairsyle
, well
shapped
body, expensive cosmetics and other things which enhances the person’s look. Recently, a
famous
film actress had
under gone
the cosmetic surgery to sharpen her jawline by spending thousands of the money.
Eventhough
such risky cosmetic surgeries are not
physically
necessary to
be done
, film artists and models prefer to do these to maintain their glam over the world.

On the other hand
, I believe in to dress up and have a getup according to the place and occasion. For an example,
people
at work place should dress up
withrespect
to the work place decorum.
Moreover
, I believe in
keep
individual’s self
physically
fit and healthy.
People
with
heavy weight
does not
only
look disfigured
but
they are
also
on a high
risk
to have serious health issues.
Hence
, to
keep
your weight under normal limits is preferable for healthy and
beautiful
look.

In opinion,
people
in my country are spending too much money and energy for appearing
beautiful
that is
not
requiered
all the
time
.
Hence
,
people
should focus on the outer look
only
if it is
requiered
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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