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Nowadays people can watch performances(theatre,music concerts etc.)using the internet so there is no need to watch it live.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays people can watch performances(theatre, music concerts etc. )using the internet so there is no need to watch it live. pR2K3
In recent years, the internet has made it possible to stream performances from anywhere without attending in person. I believe that people will continue taking the advantage of the advanced technology to entertain themselves, however people will never quit attending live concerts. On one hand, some people argue that the internet will replace live events. people are now able to watch many kinds of performances anytime on T. V and on their own devices for mostly free. For instance, people who are not lucky enough to get a favorite singer’s concert ticket can also enjoy the performance at home, the fact that it is affordable and an easy choice compared to going to a studium. Why do people still like to go and see live performances? There are some crucial aspects that distinguish live performances from streaming ones. When people attend the concert, they appreciate the value of the atmosphere of the arena and the magnificent sounds which surrounds them. In fact, research also shows that watching live performances could stimulate brain functions more intensely than watching the same one on T. V. , and it gives people an unforgettable experience which makes them desire one more time. This is why the value of live performances will not be replaced by streaming ones. In conclusion, Whether watching performances on T. V. or going to see them in person depends on one’s preference, however attending concerts could benefit people in many ways. In addition to this, once people experience watching a great live performance, they will definitely know the value of it and choose to go to a concert.
In recent years, the internet has made it possible to stream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
from anywhere without attending in person. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will continue taking the advantage of the advanced technology to entertain themselves,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will never quit attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
concerts.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the internet will replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
anytime on T. V and on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices for
mostly
free.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a favorite singer’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
ticket can
also
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
at home, the fact that it is affordable and an easy choice compared to going to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
studium
.

Why do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
like to go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
? There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial aspects that distinguish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
from streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
, they appreciate the value of the atmosphere of the arena and the magnificent sounds which surrounds them. In fact, research
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
could stimulate brain functions more
intensely
than watching the same one on T. V.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
and it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
an unforgettable experience which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them desire one more time. This is why the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
will not
be replaced
by streaming ones.

In conclusion
, Whether watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
on T. V. or going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them in person depends on one’s preference,
however
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
could benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
In addition
to this, once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience watching a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
, they will definitely know the value of it and choose to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people can watch performances(theatre, music concerts etc. )using the internet so there is no need to watch it live.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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