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Nowadays people around the world are choosing to self-medicate rather than seeing a doctor and using conventional medicine. What are the causes of this change and what effects can be seen as a result?

Nowadays people around the world are choosing to self-medicate rather than seeing a doctor and using conventional medicine. What are the causes of this change and what effects can be seen as a result? jO3M
In these days people in the wold are prefer to use medicines by themselves in accordance with the traditional methods other than using consulting a professional doctor. There are various reasons for that the increasing medical expenses and as a result it may lead to severe health problems. Health is our wealth but certain people choose conventional methods of medicines because of several reasons. firstly, in the modern world due to the advancement of the technology the costs for consulting a doctor and take medicines are very expensive and many people cannot afford these expenses. nowadays the cost for medicines and the doctors fee become a burden for people and sometimes the doctors refer their patients to X-Ray or scanning etc. these are very costly, and may be it is unnecessary. for example, if a person consult an ortho for shoulder pain, the doctor refer him to take X-Ray. A normal person afford this expenses.
In these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the wold are
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
medicines by themselves in accordance with the traditional methods other than using consulting a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
. There are various reasons for that the increasing medical expenses and
as a result
it may lead to severe health problems.

Health is our wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose conventional methods of medicines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, in the modern world due to the advancement of the technology the costs for consulting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and take medicines are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford these expenses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nowadays
the cost for medicines and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
fee become a burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
refer their patients to X-Ray or scanning etc. these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly, and
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
it is unnecessary.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, if a person consult an
Possible spelling mistake found.
ortho
for shoulder pain,

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
refer him to take X-Ray. A normal person afford this expenses.

IELTS essay Nowadays people around the world are choosing to self-medicate rather than seeing a doctor and using conventional medicine. What are the causes of this change and what effects can be seen as a result?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
155 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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