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Some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages PD9E
In this modern world, many people love to follow their passions but they did not have any financial support. These types of people tend to take part-time jobs and spend time on other things. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of temporary jobs and why am I think taking part-time jobs brings more benefits than disadvantages all the explanation are given in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are many benefits will getting from temporary works. The greatest benefit is to have time to do other important things in life. If people do temporary jobs, they will save valuable time for their dreams and that gives them satisfaction. Secondly, people become more productive and dare to do different tasks. These types of thing will help in later life and gain so much experience. For example, as a result of a survey by the University of gtu, over 20% of people from around the world that they become popular because they found and followed their dreams in their lives in 2020. Therefore, these types of activities will no doubt make people more experienced. It will help them in the future. On the other hand, many challenges will occur while doing part-time jobs for people. The major problem of these types of works come with a low amount of money will earn as compared to full-time works. This leads to financial troubles and it will also create many health-related problems such as blood pressure, heart attack, mental disorders and so on. For instance, over 18% of part-time workers had a major illness due to their financial background not strong in Pakistan in 2019. These types of evidence prove that many obstacles will come while doing part-time jobs. Although many problems will turn down if people aware of various risk and their solutions. To conclude, this essay discussed both advantages and disadvantages of temporary works. It will come with very benefits like more time to spend but it brings many problems like mental illness. In my words, part-time work is very beneficial for who want to take a risk and follow their passions. It will bring more advantages than the disadvantages ones do.
In this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to follow their passions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not have any financial support. These
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types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on other things. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
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temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and why am I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
brings more
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benefits
than disadvantages all the explanation are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
will getting from
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temporary
works. The greatest
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benefit
is to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they will save valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their dreams and that gives them satisfaction.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more productive and dare to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of thing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in later life and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much experience.
For example
,
as a result
of a survey by the University of
Possible spelling mistake found.
gtu
, over 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from around the world that they become popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they found and followed their dreams in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in 2020.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of activities will no doubt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more experienced. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges will occur while doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a low amount of money will earn as compared to full-time works. This leads to financial troubles and it will
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as blood pressure, heart attack, mental disorders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, over 18% of part-time workers had a major illness due to their financial background not strong in Pakistan in 2019. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of evidence prove that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
while doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will turn down if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and their solutions.

To conclude
, this essay discussed both advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
works. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
like more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like mental illness. In my words, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for who want to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and follow their passions. It will bring more advantages than the disadvantages ones do.
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IELTS essay Some people tend to take temporary jobs, for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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