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Nowadays, people are spending increasingly large amounts of money on their marriage parties. Many people feel large and expensive weddings cause problems for the bride and groom. Do you agree? Use personal examples in your response. v.3

Nowadays, people are spending increasingly large amounts of money on their marriage parties. Many people feel large and expensive weddings cause problems for the bride and groom. Do you agree? Use personal examples in your response. v. 3
These days, many people are spending lots of amount on parties and enjoyment activities like weekend parties and birthday occasions. Marriages are no exception to the list, as humans pouring huge sums of money on buying expensive ornaments and on arranging receptions. However, there are some people who believe that wedding parties cause problem to the bride and groom as they should spend huge wealth on them. To some extent, I agree with this point and I will discuss some reasons. Firstly, Most of the modern marriages are arranged at hotels or lavish holiday spots, which are very costly yet attractive. The Bride or groom family will pay for this by taking loans or by managing their assets, this causes huge financial burden. For example, It is the bride's family, who are completely responsible for the event, because of this, they use most of their wealth resulting in lessening of the money for other siblings. Moreover, In many Asian countries dowry is one of the tradition during marriages in which groom should spend his money on bride for marriage agreement. Nowadays, this is causing arguments between opposite sides due to the delay in arranging cash. Furthermore, most of the weddings waste large amounts of food which results in wastage of cash. Turning on to the other side of the argument, Most of the couples believe that wedding is the one time activity and often think as a lifetime memory. This increases enthusiasm for making the party memorable. In this case, they often invite a plethora of guests to showcase their one time activity. For Instance, In India couples get blessings from their dearest ones during their marriage. In addition to this, older people feel happy when their children or grandchildren tie knot. To sum up, although marriage is considered as a large occasion, it is memorable and can be remembered for the lifetime. Nonetheless, people should understand the struggle of the person who pay for the event. In my opinion, marriages should be celebrated based on their personal wealth, I mean that people should not lend cash to arrange parties. Instead, they should arrange for whatever they have.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of amounts".
lots of amount
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and enjoyment activities like weekend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and birthday occasions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marriages
are no exception to the list, as humans pouring huge sums of money on buying expensive ornaments and on arranging receptions.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
cause problem to the bride and groom as they should spend huge wealth on them. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point and I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

Firstly
, Most of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
are arranged
at hotels or lavish holiday spots, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly
yet
attractive. The Bride or groom family will pay for this by taking loans or by managing their assets, this causes huge financial burden.
For example
, It is the bride's family, who are completely responsible for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
,
because of this
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most of their wealth resulting in lessening of the money for other siblings.
Moreover
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Asian
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
dowry is one of the tradition during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
in which groom should spend his money on bride for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
agreement. Nowadays, this is causing arguments between opposite sides due to the delay in arranging cash.
Furthermore
, most of the weddings waste large amounts of food which results in wastage of cash.

Turning on to the other side of the argument, Most of the couples believe that wedding is the one time activity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
as a lifetime memory. This increases enthusiasm for making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
memorable.
In this case
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invite a plethora of guests to showcase their one time activity.
For Instance
, In India couples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
blessings from their dearest ones during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
In addition
to this, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel happy when their children or grandchildren
Did you mean the negation "tie not"?
tie knot
.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is considered
as a large occasion, it is memorable and can
be remembered
for the lifetime. Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand the struggle of the person who pay for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
should
be celebrated
based on their personal wealth, I mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not lend cash to arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
.
Instead
, they should arrange for whatever they have.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Nowadays, people are spending increasingly large amounts of money on their marriage parties. Many people feel large and expensive weddings cause problems for the bride and groom. Do you agree? Use personal examples in your response. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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