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Nowadays people are encouraged to buy more and more consumer products. Some people think it is good for the economy. However, others think it does great harm to the society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays people are encouraged to buy more and more consumer products. Some people think it is good for the economy. However, others think it does great harm to the society as a whole. VBw1K
At present days, the public in some nations are motivated to purchase goods, which has aroused a discussion between different groups of people. While encouraging to buying things is beneficial to a nation's economy, it is certainly detrimental to social development when people make unnecessary purchases. It certainly enhances the development of economy when a greater number of people are willing to consume. The growth of number of consumers means greater consumer demand, which definitely contributes to the development of some businesses. For example, during the period of Olympic Games, there is a noticeable rise in the need of sports goods and facilities. Companies which specialize in such field receive more orders during this time, thereby making greater profit during this time. Also, more job opportunities are created since more workers are needed to manufacture adequate goods to meet the need of customers. However, if more money is spent on items that are more than what people really need, the consequences can be detrimental to the society. First of all, this behavior can result in waste. These goods are not always necessary or satisfactory, which means they are very likely to be left untouched or even thrown away. It is not rare to see a seemingly fabulous coat that was bought on impulse stay in the closet without being put on again. In addition, encouraging people to buy more and more things is not helpful for people to form a positive attitude toward consumption. When they are used to such a style of consuming, they may become addicted to buying things without thinking carefully about whether they really need those things or not. Nowadays, a number of young adults are keen on buying flashy things, such as cutting-edged laptops, brand new cellphones, etc, some of which, however, are too pricey for them to afford. Therefore, some of them choose to pay by credit card, ignoring the potential danger of such kind of payment. In conclusion, while it is true that consumption is an integral part of a nation's economy and encouraging people to buy things can boost the economy to a certain extent, such encouragement does harm to the society when people don't base their purchases on their real demand and purchasing power.
At present days, the public in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations
are motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, which has aroused a discussion between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While encouraging to buying things is beneficial to a nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, it is
certainly
detrimental to social development when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
.

It
certainly
enhances the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
when a greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to consume. The growth of number of consumers means greater consumer demand, which definitely contributes to the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses.
For example
, during the period of Olympic Games, there is a noticeable rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and facilities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
which specialize in such field receive more orders during this time, thereby making greater profit during this time.
Also
, more job opportunities
are created
since more workers
are needed
to manufacture adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of customers.

However
, if more money
is spent
on items that are more than what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, the consequences can be detrimental to the society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this behavior can result in waste. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are not always necessary or satisfactory, which means they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
untouched or even thrown away. It is not rare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
seemingly
fabulous coat that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
on impulse stay in the closet without
being put
on again.
In addition
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more things is not helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude toward consumption. When they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to such a style of consuming, they may become addicted to buying things without thinking
carefully
about whether they
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
those things or not. Nowadays, a number of young adults are keen on buying flashy things, such as cutting-edged laptops,
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
cellphones, etc,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which,
however
, are too pricey for them to afford.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them choose to pay by credit card, ignoring the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of such kind of payment.

In conclusion
, while it is true that consumption is an integral part of a nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things can boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
to a certain extent, such encouragement does harm to the society when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't base their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
on their real demand and purchasing power.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people are encouraged to buy more and more consumer products. Some people think it is good for the economy. However, others think it does great harm to the society as a whole.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Nowadays people are encouraged to buy more and more consumer products. Some people think it is good for the economy. However, others think it does great harm to the society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.