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Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v.1

Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v. 1
There is no doubt that these days, people's lives has shrunken into the world wide web. Therefore, some people believe that the internet and social media have greatly influenced the folks. In my opinion, this has more negative impact and, I will discuss about it in the essay. First of all, the social media has affected youngsters more than that of adults. The reason is that they devote their maximum time in posting stuffs and updating status on social media. For example, Instagram is a social networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity, and to increase their followers, teenagers start showing off their lives on the social networking sites. Besides younger generation, adults are also sweeping over with the charm of web applications, especially WhatsApp. Another important effect is that individuals are living more virtual life these days. In other words, they have a lot of online friends, but no real relations due to which they go into depression. To illustrate, a recent study revealed that younger adults aged 18-25 have the highest prevalence of any mental illness compared to the adults aged 26-49 and the reason is the use of social media. Moreover, family members are also no longer attached, and despite talking to each other, they remain busy on their mobile phones. Thus, relations are destroying, and at the end of the day, everyone feels alone. To conclude, although the internet and social network has brought the closer, I believe that these sources have more disadvantages as these are not only destroying the life of kids but also our relations and taking us away from each other.
There is no doubt that these days,
people
's
lives
has shrunken into the
world wide web
.
Therefore
,
some
people
believe that the internet and
social
media
have
greatly
influenced the folks. In my opinion, this has more
negative
impact and, I will
discuss about it
in the essay.

First of all
, the
social
media
has
affected
youngsters more than that of
adults
. The reason is that they devote their maximum time in posting stuffs and updating status on
social
media
.
For example
, Instagram is a
social
networking platform where the number of followers access an individual's popularity, and to increase their followers,
teenagers
start
showing off their
lives
on the
social
networking sites.
Besides
younger generation,
adults
are
also
sweeping over with the charm of web applications,
especially
WhatsApp.

Another
important
effect is that individuals are living more virtual life these days.
In other words
, they have
a lot of
online friends,
but
no real relations due to which they go into depression. To illustrate, a recent study revealed that younger
adults
aged 18-25 have the highest prevalence of any mental illness compared to the
adults
aged 26-49 and the reason is the
use
of
social
media
.
Moreover
, family members are
also
no longer attached, and despite talking to each other, they remain busy on their mobile phones.
Thus
, relations are destroying, and at the
end
of the day, everyone feels alone.

To conclude
, although the internet and
social
network has brought the closer, I believe that these sources have more disadvantages as these are not
only
destroying the life of kids
but
also
our relations and taking us away from each other.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Nowadays people are affected by social media and internet. Is it a good or bad trend in your opinion? Explain it by giving your own examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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