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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development

In the modern world, parents always want their children to be successful with much force on them. There are some reasons to explain for this trend and this development has both positive and negative. The clear reason we can see that the world grows dramatically and young people have to be ready in every aspects to take advantages and get seccess. Futhermore, populations develop fast, in spite of increasing of jobs, but works have required high levels of employees. Therefore if children do not get degrees or professional cetificates, they will be difficult to get a good job, and parents have to put pressure for their children to get success in the future. Even they always ask their sons or daughters continually learn to get high scores to have ability to be able to apply to top schools. For example, my parents always ask my younger brother get high score in the test of the second seminar to be accepted into the best school in my hometown. This force is also good for children because they will try their best to study. And this maybe assure for them to be successful after they finished their study. By contrast, there are more negative points. Learning much without selecting will make young people get stress. Even if children lost controlling of their mind, these young people would suicide. Many parents chose carrer for their children when they had been a little baby and after they got the age schooling they just have learnt following what their parents want. And they will not have ambition with what they learn. Success not only comes from studying, but also comes from many other aspects like playing sport, doing entertainment, building relationships. For example, a friend of mine was a football star, but he just finished primary school. In conclusion, although putting pressure on children by parents for success in life there are various reasons behind this trend, I believe that it has postive development.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful with much force on them. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
for this trend and this development has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
reason we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the world grows
dramatically
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ready in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
to take advantages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
seccess
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, populations develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
increasing of jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
works have required high levels of employees.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
degrees or professional
Possible spelling mistake found.
cetificates
, they will be difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put pressure for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in the future. Even they always ask their sons or daughters
continually
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high scores to have ability to be able to apply to top schools.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always ask my younger brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high score in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of the second seminar to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
into the best school in my hometown.

This force is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will try their best to study. And
The verb 'assure' is plural. Did you mean: "this maybe assures"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this maybe assure
for them to be successful after they finished their study. By contrast, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points. Learning much without selecting will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lost controlling of their mind, these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would suicide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
chose
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrer
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they had been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
baby and after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the age schooling they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
following what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want. And they will not have ambition with what they learn. Success not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other aspects like playing sport, doing entertainment, building relationships.
For example
, a friend of mine was a football star,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished primary school.

In conclusion
, although putting pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for success in life there are various reasons behind this trend, I believe that it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
postive
development.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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