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Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v.2

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 2
Every person in this world desires growth and reputation, so younger generation has liberty to decide their own path and guardians does not want to cease their opportunities. I believe this is a positive development of their children as it will lead to better experience and balance in lifestyle. Parents allow their child to acquire superior experience as compared to them. Children these days indulged in various type of activities such as studying, enjoying with friends and use of modernized technology. Parents supports their young ones to create friend circle in the society, prepare notes with the help of computes and mobile phones because their parents do not experience these types of gadgets and friends who can change their thinking. For instance, children study with their best friends along with the use of laptops to iterate numerical problems. Therefore, guardians want their child to step ahead of them by utilizing these best available resources. Moreover, parents also give freedom to maintain their lifestyle by using latest apperals. The society has been shifted towards the western culture and youth is adopting these fashion trends which is necessary to progress with the present world. For example, many of the youngsters are mimicking the dressing sense of renowned public figures to become famous in the community. Thus, to obtain a widespread reputation parents have given the independence to their children. To sum up, world is transforming the children to achieve their goals with advancement of technology and way of living. Hence, it is important to transform the living habits than in the past.
Every person in this world desires growth and reputation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
younger generation has liberty to decide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path and guardians does not want to cease their opportunities. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it will lead to better experience and balance in lifestyle.

Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their child to acquire superior experience as compared to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
these days indulged in various type of activities such as studying, enjoying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modernized technology.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Parent supports" or "Parents support".
Parents supports
their young ones to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle in the society, prepare notes with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computes and mobile phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not experience these types of gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their thinking.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study with their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
along with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of laptops to iterate numerical problems.
Therefore
, guardians want their child to step ahead of them by utilizing these best available resources.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
give freedom to maintain their lifestyle by using latest
Possible spelling mistake found.
apperals
. The society has
been shifted
towards the western culture and youth is adopting these fashion trends which is necessary to progress with the present world.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the youngsters are mimicking the dressing sense of renowned public figures to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the community.
Thus
, to obtain a widespread reputation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the independence to their children.

To sum up, world is transforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve their goals with advancement of technology and way of living.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to transform the living habits than in the past.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and include relevant examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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