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Nowadays parents force their children to study hard. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v.1

Nowadays parents force their children to study hard. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 1
Technology has revolutionised the way human beings go about their daily life. This is evident from the fact that many people nowadays work from the comfort of their homes. Some argue that this practice brings with its myriad of benefits, while others refute this. Both sides of this debate will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is reached. On the one hand, working from home can save an employer office rental cost to a great degree. For example, Sydney, Australia is one such place where the costs of renting an office space have risen to exorbitant levels in the past few decades. As a result, a large proportion of employers’ funds have to be devoted to this area, and this encumbers their ability to earn a decent profit. When looking at the discussion in this light, the merits of working from one’s home are clearly seen. On the other hand, many contend that drawbacks of working from home outweigh its benefits. For instance, a recent British study found that the majority of the people working from home had trouble meeting deadlines that were set by their organisations. This habitual lateness can lead to failure to the achievement of organisational goals. Thus, it is obvious why many people do not support the notion of working from home. After pondering upon both sides of this argument, it is felt that working from home is much more of a positive development than negative. It is thus hoped that people and organisations will continue to reap the bounties of working from home in the foreseeable future.
Technology has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the way human beings go about their daily life. This is evident from the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays work from the comfort of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that this practice brings with its myriad of benefits, while others refute this. Both sides of this debate will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasoned conclusion
is reached
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home can save an employer office rental cost to a great degree.
For example
, Sydney, Australia is one such place where the costs of renting an office space have risen to exorbitant levels in the past few decades.
As a result
, a large proportion of employers’ funds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be devoted
to this area, and this encumbers their ability to earn a decent profit. When looking at the discussion in this light, the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from one’s home
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
are
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contend that drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home outweigh its benefits.
For instance
, a recent British study found that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home had trouble meeting deadlines that
were set
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. This habitual lateness can lead to failure to the achievement of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
goals.
Thus
, it is obvious why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not support the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home.

After pondering upon both sides of this argument, it
is felt
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is much more of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. It is
thus
hoped that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
will continue to reap the bounties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home in the foreseeable future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Nowadays parents force their children to study hard. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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