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Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v.2

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 2
International exposure of education has become a very common thing in this contemporary time period as there is competition everywhere due to which a large amount of pupils are visiting abroad. However, there are various merits and demerits of travelling abroad on which I will shed light in subsequent paragraphs. To begin with its merits, international education is advanced and practical based than many other nations as a result it enhances the level of learners and provides better education. For example, students gets the individual attention in modern classrooms and most of their study is go through practical based assignments and projects that build interest in learners. Similarly foreign student will have more chances of Jobs as they have obtained high value education from foreign countries that will help them to get well paid Jobs easily everywhere even in their own country. Moreover, By studying in another country, students will get chance to know another cultures, people and they will learn rules and regulations by studying overseas. It build their confidence as well as communication skill would be improved. Most importantly, they will learn how to tackle difficulties alone which will help learners to become self dependent. On the other hand there are some negative impacts as well of study abroad that cannot be ignored. First of all, international education is an expensive thing that common people cannot afford easily for example air fare, acommodation, feeses and food will consume alot of money. Unfortunatily, if any student remains unable to finish education with good marks then it would be total wastage of money. Furthermore, for female learners it is more difficult to survive themselves as they can face abusive or sexual harrasment as they live thousand miles away from their family. Living by themselves could create a huge problem for them as they can not do heavy works for long time period. Not only living but some sickness also create a problem for them as girls are mostly attached with their mothers. Hence, it can be concluded that international education is a better option for those who have money, confidence amd determination in order to achieve success in life. However, they have to be prepared for their own safety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common thing in this contemporary time period as there is competition everywhere due to which a large amount of pupils
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
visiting abroad.
However
, there are various merits and demerits of travelling abroad on which I will shed light in subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with its merits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is advanced
and practical based than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other nations
as a result
it enhances the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
and provides better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the individual attention in modern classrooms and most of their study is
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
through practical based assignments and projects that build interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will have more chances of Jobs as they have obtained high value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from foreign countries that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well paid Jobs
easily
everywhere even in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
Moreover
, By studying in another country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to know another cultures,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they will learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations by studying overseas. It
Did you mean "builds"?
build
their confidence
as well
as communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Most
importantly
, they will learn how to tackle difficulties alone which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to become self dependent.

On the other hand
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
as well
of study abroad that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an expensive thing that common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot afford
easily
for example
air fare,
Possible spelling mistake found.
acommodation
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
feeses
and food will consume
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of money.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Unfortunatily
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
remains unable to finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks then it would be total wastage of money.
Furthermore
, for female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
it is more difficult to survive themselves as they can face abusive or sexual
Possible spelling mistake found.
harrasment
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
thousand miles away from their family. Living by themselves could create a huge problem for them as they can not do heavy works for long time period. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sickness
also
create a problem for them as girls are
mostly
attached with their mothers.

Hence
, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a better option for those who have money, confidence
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
determination in order to achieve success in life.
However
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be prepared
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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