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Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v.3

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 3
It’s a new rising trend that many parents are sending their kids for trips abroad for educational purposes. This essay we will discuss the positive and the negatives of this trend. On one hand, children can gain exposure when they travel to a different country for study purpose. They get an opportunity to learn new language and witness different cultures of that country. For example, when a student goes to France, he gets a platform to learn French which is greatly beneficial nowadays, because mastering two international languages will be of great help for future endeavours. Moreover, he can also learn about various cultures that are practiced in that country. Children can also make friendships with their local peers and can build good relationships. On the other hand, it is imperative to assess whether these trips will be of great benefit, since they are massively costly. Indeed, the educational system are different in various countries and kids will find it difficult to cope. The syllabus of what children study in India are contrary to what they are taught abroad. For example, my cousin had moved to Australia from India along with his parents, and when he joined a school over there, he had faced various difficulties because of the different methodology of teaching. Because in India most of the subjects are focused on theoretical learning while, in Australia it was research and self-study based. To conclude, gaining foreign exposure is greatly acclaimed and helpful but the cost involved in gaining the benefits are humongous. Teaching system and subjects are different, and it’s a mountainous task for children to adapt to a new world.
It’s a new rising trend that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents are sending their kids for trips abroad for educational purposes. This essay we will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and the negatives of this trend.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gain exposure when they travel to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for study purpose. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to learn new language and witness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, when a student goes to France, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a platform to learn French which is
greatly
beneficial nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mastering two international languages will be of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for future
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.
Moreover
, he can
also
learn about various cultures that
are practiced
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendships with their local peers and can build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships.

On the other hand
, it is imperative to assess whether these trips will be of great benefit, since they are
massively
costly.
Indeed
, the educational system are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and kids will find it difficult to cope. The syllabus of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study in India are contrary to what they
are taught
abroad.
For example
, my cousin had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to Australia from India along with his parents, and when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a school over there, he had faced various difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
methodology of teaching.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in India most of the subjects
are focused
on theoretical learning while, in Australia it was research and self-study based.

To conclude
, gaining foreign exposure is
greatly
acclaimed and helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the cost involved in gaining the benefits are humongous. Teaching system and subjects are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
, and it’s a mountainous task for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to adapt to a new world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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