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Nowadays, online shopping is more popular than in-store shopping. Is it positive or negative?

Nowadays, online shopping is more popular than in-store shopping. Is it positive or negative? j9Pq1
Shopping plays an important role in people’s lives and there are various ways to do it. With the development of technology including the internet, a number of people prefer shopping online rather than shopping in a store because of its convenience. However, shopping in stores brings back benefits for the government’s budget and the consumers can have their own experience about the products. Although online shopping is more convenient, I believe that shopping in stores is a better choice. In this paragraph, I will write about the first advantage of in-store shopping. When a shop is open, the business needs to pay percentages of money for taxes. To put it another way, the government can earn an amount of money when a shop is open. From that, the budget of the government is increased and the government can use that money to improve the citizens’ lives including building more facilities and developing the services. The second advantage is that consumers can have personalized experiences. In other words, consumers can test on the products in stores which they cannot try when they are shopping online. For instance, when a woman goes to a perfume store, she can try every product and find the most suitable perfume for her while if she just searches on the web, she cannot know the aroma of each perfume. However, a large quantity of people love shopping online because it is convenient. People can save money and time while shopping online. Instead of waiting in queues, people can stay at home and put the product they want on the list. Aside from that, because they do not have taxes, the price of products can be lower than the stores, that is why people can save money from online shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and there are various ways to do it. With the development of technology including the internet, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
brings back benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
budget and the consumers can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is more convenient, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is a better choice.

In this paragraph, I will write about the
first
advantage of in-store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. When a shop is open, the business needs to pay percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for taxes. To put it another way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can earn an amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when a shop is open. From that, the budget of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is increased
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the citizens’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
including building more facilities and developing the services.

The second advantage is that consumers can have personalized experiences.
In other words
, consumers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
which they cannot try when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For instance
, when a woman goes to a perfume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, she can try every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and find the most suitable perfume for her while if she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
searches on the web, she cannot know the aroma of each perfume.

However
, a large quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Instead
of waiting in queues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay at home and put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they want on the list. Aside from that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have taxes, the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can be lower than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, online shopping is more popular than in-store shopping. Is it positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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