Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Essay topics: People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v.2

Essay topics: People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2
Life represents a process that start the day one is born and ends with his death. Childhood and adulthood are two representative stages of this process, being very different one from another. From my point of view, the main differences between adults and children are related to financial independence and responsibilities. I will explain my statement, in detail, in the following essay. To begin with, financial independence is the first sign which indicates that a person has made a step to adulthood. Even though students seem to gain independence when they go to college, they still depend economically on their parents and they do not truly understand the value of money. But, when people start to win money by their own, and they begin to pay for rent, transportation, clothes and all the other expenditures, that is the moment when they realize how important and valuable is every cent. Therefore, their behavior starts to change because they figure out that they have to control the flow of money. My own experience is a compelling example on this. Back in college, my parents used to pay for all my needs. They were sending me an amount of money monthly, and even more if I was texting them that I was out of cash. I was a diligent student, but the same time I loved having fun, going to the clubs or to trips. After I graduate from college, I got hired and my parents stopped sending me money. Suddenly, I realized that I was not able to spend the same amount of money on fun like before. Being employed in a junior position, the wage was not very high so I started to cut from my activities. This was a shocking moment for me, that made the transition from childhood to adulthood. To continue with, some responsibilities, underlines the fact that people are adults. In this category ceremonies and events such as weddings and having children can be included. So, after gaining financial stability, the next step is to settle down, to find the right person to live the rest of your life and to have children. Moreover, this step brings many responsibilities. Not to mention that the adults will have to do many sacrifices. From now on, the couple is responsible to grow up a child, to provide him with the same conditions they were offered previous by their own parents. The couple is directly accountable for the happiness and wealth of the entire family. For instance, when my brother got married and his first child was born, he had to give up on certain things. He could not spend his spare time with his friends or buy the same amount of clothes as prior. Instead, he moved to a more family environment place, he bought a house and he start saving money for the future of his child. Thus, marriage is a tremendous event that marks a step in adulthood. To summarize, there are significant differences between children and adults. First, an individual starts to become an adult when he starts winning money. Second, marriage plays one of the most important roles that defines the adulthood in many aspects.
Life represents a process that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
the day one
is born
and ends with his death. Childhood and adulthood are two representative stages of this process, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
one from another. From my point of view, the main differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are related
to financial independence and responsibilities. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my statement, in detail, in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, financial independence is the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
which indicates that a person has made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
to adulthood.
Even though
students seem to gain independence when they go to college, they
still
depend
economically
on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they do not
truly
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to win
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to pay for rent, transportation, clothes and all the other expenditures,
that is
the moment when they realize how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and valuable is every cent.
Therefore
, their behavior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they figure out that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
control the flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example on this. Back in college, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay for all my needs. They were sending me an amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
monthly, and even more if I was texting them that I was out of cash. I was a diligent student,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the same time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
having fun, going to the clubs or to trips. After I graduate from college, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hired and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
sending me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Suddenly
, I realized that I was not able to spend the same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on fun like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Being employed
in a junior position, the wage was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
from my activities. This was a shocking moment for me, that made the transition from childhood to adulthood.

To continue with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities, underlines the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. In this category ceremonies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as weddings and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be included
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after gaining financial stability, the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
is to settle down, to find the right person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the rest of your life and to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities. Not to mention that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices. From
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on, the couple is responsible to grow up a child, to provide him with the same conditions they
were offered
previous by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The couple is
directly
accountable for the happiness and wealth of the entire family.
For instance
, when my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married and his
first
child
was born
, he had to give up on certain things. He could not spend his spare time with his friends or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same amount of clothes as prior.
Instead
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a more family environment place, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "starts", "started".
start
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future of his child.
Thus
, marriage is a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that marks a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
in adulthood.

To summarize
, there are significant differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
First
, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
to become an adult when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
winning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Second, marriage plays one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles that defines the adulthood in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
530 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts