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Nowadays most people wear western clothing rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative development? v.1

Nowadays most people wear western clothing rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 1
There is no denying the fact that western clothes are becoming popular all over the world. They are stylish, practical and suit a variety of body types. In my opinion, the worldwide adoption of western clothes is a positive thing. Much of the popularity of western clothes can be attributed to the fact that western countries are the center of education and business. They attract students and professionals from all over the world. Hollywood films also played an important role in making western clothes popular all over the world. The biggest advantage of wearing western clothes is that they protect the wearer from dress-based discrimination. This is important in the modern world where people are migrating to foreign nations to study or work. An Asian student wearing western outfits on a campus in the US or Europe is less likely to feel cultural alienation. The fact that he is also wearing the same outfits as other students on the campus makes it easy for him to fit into the new surroundings. Another advantage of wearing western clothes is that they are available practically everywhere. You can buy them from just about any shop and that eliminates the need to carry bundles of clothing with you when you travel abroad. This is not exactly the case with traditional outfits. In many cases, you can only buy them from your country. For example, Indian outfits like dhoti, sari or salwar kameez are not readily available in many parts of the world. So, if an Indian living abroad insists on wearing only Indian clothes, he will face a lot of difficulty. By adopting western clothes they can get around this difficulty. To conclude, the adoption of western outfits is a positive thing. Western countries are regarded as the land of opportunities. This is exactly the reason that made western clothing popular all over the world.
There is no denying the fact that western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are becoming popular all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. They are stylish, practical and suit a variety of body types. In my opinion, the worldwide adoption of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing.

Much of the popularity of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can
be attributed
to the fact that western countries are the center of education and business. They attract students and professionals from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Hollywood films
also
played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
popular all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world.

The biggest advantage of wearing western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is that they protect the wearer from dress-based discrimination. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating to foreign nations to study or work. An Asian student wearing western outfits on a campus in the US or Europe is less likely to feel cultural alienation. The fact that he is
also
wearing the same outfits as other students on the campus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for him to fit into the new surroundings.

Another advantage of wearing western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is that they are available
practically
everywhere. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about any shop and that eliminates the need to carry bundles of clothing with you when you travel abroad. This is not exactly the case with traditional outfits. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them from your country.
For example
, Indian outfits like dhoti, sari or salwar
Possible spelling mistake found.
kameez
are not
readily
available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if an Indian living abroad insists on wearing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, he will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulty. By adopting western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
around this difficulty.

To conclude
, the adoption of western outfits is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing. Western countries
are regarded
as the land of opportunities. This is exactly the reason that made western clothing popular all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Nowadays most people wear western clothing rather than their traditional clothes. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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