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Nowadays most people go to work to earn money

Nowadays most people go to work to earn money 52XGp
The majority of people go to work to earn money. I partly agree with this because not all people go to work just for the money. On the one hand, some people go to work to earn money because they look after their families. Secondly, they need to live therefore, their salary should be more. Last but not least, they also need to have more money for their children's future. On the other hand, other people say that people do not go to work to earn money because people may learn new skills also. Secondly, they focus on charity, not money. As a result, they do good deeds. Finally, they do not only want to earn money, they want to build a career. In conclusion, most people go to work to earn money but I think that others want to build careers, learn more new skills and make good deeds
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not all
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people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the money.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they look after their families.
Secondly
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
therefore
, their salary should be more. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, they
also
need to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their children's future.

On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
.
Secondly
, they focus on charity, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
As a result
, they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds.
Finally
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they want to build a career.

In conclusion
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that others want to build careers, learn more new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds

IELTS essay Nowadays most people go to work to earn money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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