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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v.9

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 9
In the modern era, people have to be cautious about their health to compete for each other, but these days the majority of people keep them unfit and inactive when it comes to work or to do things. However, modern technology and an unhealthy lifestyle have a significant impact on this concentration, which can be solved by increasing physical exercise and following a healthy lifestyle. On the one hand, the advancement of technology has improved human lives, which leads people to a stage where they do not need to work much. Using modern technology, such as a computer, laptop, and mobile phone makes our life easier. This dependence on electronic devices has given rise to major problems, including, unwilling to work, obesity, and many health issues. Thus, when people work from home as it does not require them to go out which makes them inattentive. Additionally, some people are addicted to mobile phones, even use this device since when they wake up in the morning until going to bed. Consequently, this has been created various health hazards, for instance, obesity. In other words, the recent finding has found that 80% of people who do not work and depending on the inherited property are less active, besides, they become obese. On the other hand, one solution that has been put forward is to involve in daily exercise, therefore, body parts will be active when the blood circulation is increased, which makes people get motivated to do regular work. In addition, one feasible solution that can be done to resolve this matter is to avoid an unpopular lifestyle. To illustrate, the Japanese are a strong example, who succeeded by following a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, in the past people used to do work actively, moreover, they were kept them fit, eating healthy food, and doing hard work which is included in physical exercise, whereas at present people are not that aware of their health even they want to find the simplest way to do their daily activities.
In the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be cautious about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to compete for each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them unfit and inactive when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or to do things.
However
, modern technology and an unhealthy lifestyle have a significant impact on this concentration, which can
be solved
by increasing physical exercise and following a healthy lifestyle.

On the one hand, the advancement of technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to a stage where they do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
much. Using modern technology, such as a computer, laptop, and mobile phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life easier. This dependence on electronic devices has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to major problems, including, unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, obesity, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
Thus
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home as it does not require them to go out which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inattentive.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to mobile phones, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this device since when they wake up in the morning until going to bed.
Consequently
, this has
been created
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards,
for instance
, obesity.
In other words
, the recent finding has found that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and depending on the inherited property are less active,
besides
, they become obese.

On the other hand
, one solution that has
been put
forward is to involve in daily exercise,
therefore
, body parts will be active when the blood circulation
is increased
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated to do regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, one feasible solution that can
be done
to resolve this matter is to avoid an unpopular lifestyle. To illustrate, the Japanese are a strong example, who succeeded by following a healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion
, in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
actively
,
moreover
, they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
them fit, eating healthy food, and doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
is included
in physical exercise, whereas at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not that aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
even they want to find the simplest way to do their daily activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people are not as fit and active as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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