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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v.8

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 8
Within the digital era we live in today, acquiring information about other nations became easier than decades ago. The internet has shrunk the whole world and eased the process of getting knowledge, which drove me to argue that travelling abroad is unnecessary, whereas knowing about foreign cultures could be achieved by surfing different websites. In this essay, I will explain my idea, supporting it with salient examples. To commence with, choosing to travel is usually exorbitantly expensive and takes a long time. This can be seen, for example, in the flying to Indonesia, in which the air ticket would cost around two thousand riyals per person in addition to the daily expenditure there; moreover, it is an eight-hour-flight from Saudi Arabia, where I reside. Hence, if attaining information about foreign countries via the internet is replaced by visiting them, it would be waste of money as well as space. This means that such means to acquire knowledge is not the right course of action, from my perspective. In stark contrast, however, it can hardly be denied that, nowadays, individuals could attain countless pieces of information about other countries freely in short time. Take, for instance, Mohamed Elsayed blogger, whom imparted a multitude of culture and life aspects about Indonesia within just hours through his free YouTube channel. In fact, this unpaid and easy-to-access platforms are deemed as an irreplaceable chance to save both money and time. Therefore, had it not been for these complementary web-based sites, which explore faraway places in details, illustrating this with photos and videos, high deal of money and time would have spent to reach this content. By way of conclusion, the advent of technology paved the way for its users to be abreast of an array of information pieces by merely clicking on search buttons. Thus, I wholeheartedly believe that these effortless and affordable routes of getting knowledge about other cultures substituted, firmly, other traditional ways such as travelling.
Within the digital era we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations became easier than decades ago. The internet has shrunk the whole world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
the process of getting knowledge, which drove me to argue that travelling abroad is unnecessary, whereas knowing about foreign cultures could
be achieved
by surfing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, supporting it with salient examples.

To commence with, choosing to travel is
usually
exorbitantly
expensive and takes a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
for example
, in the flying to Indonesia, in which the air ticket would cost around two thousand riyals per person
in addition
to the daily expenditure there;
moreover
, it is an eight-hour-flight from Saudi Arabia, where I reside.
Hence
, if attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about foreign countries via the internet
is replaced
by visiting them, it would be waste of money
as well
as space. This means that such means to acquire knowledge is not the right course of action, from my perspective.

In stark contrast,
however
, it can hardly
be denied
that, nowadays, individuals could attain countless pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
freely
in short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Take,
for instance
, Mohamed
Possible spelling mistake found.
Elsayed
blogger,
Did you mean "who" instead of 'whom'?
whom
imparted a multitude of culture and life aspects about Indonesia within
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hours through his free YouTube channel. In fact, this unpaid and easy-to-access platforms
are deemed
as an irreplaceable chance to save both money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, had it not been for these complementary web-based sites, which explore faraway places in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, illustrating this with photos and videos, high deal of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would have spent to reach this content.

By way of conclusion, the advent of technology paved the way for its users to be abreast of an array of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
pieces by
merely
clicking on search buttons.
Thus
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that these effortless and affordable routes of getting knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures substituted,
firmly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
traditional ways such as travelling.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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