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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v.7

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 7
The majority of people are not healthy and energetic these days, unlike the past. An unhealthy lifestyle and food intake are the key reasons for this situation. This essay will discuss plausible resolutions to deal with this negative development. To commence with, a sedentary lifestyle is one of the prime factors which is responsible for poor health. Most people spend around 8 to 9 hours in the offices on computers which weaken their eyesight and deform their body posture. Furthermore, the consumption of fast food is the root cause of obesity. People, especially youngsters eat Pizza, Burger or cold drinks to flaunt their social status without knowing the detrimental consequences of unsaturated carbohydrates on their health. Hence, by living this way people are putting their future in danger. However, regular exercise and a balanced diet are considerable solutions for this trend. If people go to a gym or for a walk on a regular basis, they will remain fit and healthy. In Japan, for example, nearly 80 percent of people prefer to use a bicycle as it helps them to stay fit. Despite going to a gym, a healthy diet is another method to maintain body mass index. By following a proper diet along with the gym has a huge impact on the our body. Thus, to stay healthy in old age, people should follow a healthy daily regimen. In conclusion, to keep ourselves fit and healthy, we should include exercise in our daily routine and eat healthy food. The government should organize awareness campaigns to edify people about the advantages of good health.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and energetic these days, unlike the past. An unhealthy lifestyle and food intake are the key reasons for this situation. This essay will discuss plausible resolutions to deal with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

To commence with, a sedentary lifestyle is one of the prime factors which is responsible for poor health. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend around 8 to 9 hours in the offices on computers which weaken their eyesight and deform their body posture.
Furthermore
, the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food is the root cause of obesity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
youngsters eat Pizza, Burger or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
drinks to flaunt their social status without knowing the detrimental consequences of unsaturated carbohydrates on their health.
Hence
, by living this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are putting their future in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

However
, regular exercise and a balanced diet are considerable solutions for this trend. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to a gym or for a walk on a regular basis, they will remain fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. In Japan,
for example
,
nearly
80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a bicycle as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay fit. Despite going to a gym, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet is another method to maintain body mass index. By following a proper diet along with the gym has a huge impact on
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our body" or "the body"?
the our body
.
Thus
, to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
daily regimen.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, we should include exercise in our daily routine and eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize awareness campaigns to edify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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