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Nowadays most of the people have put their confidential matters in online. Some people argue that there are undoubtedly abuse this personal information. However I believe that the convenience of putting such data on the internet outweighs the negative aspects.

Nowadays most of the people have put their confidential matters in online. Some people argue that there are undoubtedly abuse this personal information. However I believe that the convenience of putting such data on the internet outweighs the negative aspects. KYQgL
Firstly, personal information which is held online may be stolen or misused in same way by cybercriminals. For example in this era online banking is common. So that people must trust the security measures put in place by banks and by companies to ensure that their bank account details are secure from computer hackers. Strict codes of conduct minimise the crime although some criminals can access all kinds of personal information which people naively provide on social or networking sites, such as facebook and instagram. Therefore, users of these sites may find that they are victims of online scams. Secondly, the storage of personal information online is huge helpful in various ways. On the one hand, it enables people to pay for goods ordered over the internet. For instance, one can visit to the shops or the bank have been simply clicking a computer key in this way the enormous advantage is time consuming. Secondly, friends and family members who have access to the internet are able to keep in touch freely and easily. Thus, sharing personal details online for business or pleasure has accelerated the flow of information and is user friendly, and therefore, old ways of doing things have become obsolete. In conclusion, despite the risks of personal online information falling into the wrong hands. I would argue that the convenience of sharing this information outweighs these risks.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which
is held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
may
be stolen
or misused in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
by cybercriminals.
For example
in this era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking is common.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
trust the security measures put in place by banks and by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to ensure that their bank account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are secure from computer hackers. Strict codes of conduct
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the crime although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminals can access all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
naively
provide on social or networking sites, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
.
Therefore
, users of these sites may find that they are victims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
scams.

Secondly
, the storage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is huge helpful in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. On the one hand, it enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pay for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
ordered over the internet.
For instance
, one can visit to the shops or the bank have been
simply
clicking a computer key in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
the enormous advantage is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
Secondly
, friends and family members who have access to the internet are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch
freely
and
easily
.
Thus
, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for business or pleasure has accelerated the flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
user friendly
, and
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of doing things have become obsolete.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
falling into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands. I would argue that the convenience of sharing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
outweighs these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays most of the people have put their confidential matters in online. Some people argue that there are undoubtedly abuse this personal information. However I believe that the convenience of putting such data on the internet outweighs the negative aspects.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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