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Gender relations based on the patriarchal system

Gender relations based on the patriarchal system RWmAV
Gender relations based on the patriarchal system have determined the different participation and contribution of women and men in every aspect of life. While this situation has caused profound gender inequalities, women have been affected by such gender relations in a multidimensional and intersectional way. Thus, gender-based inequalities have emerged as a pervasive gender gap phenomenon in various types across the globe.
Gender relations based on the patriarchal system have determined the
different
participation and contribution of women and
men
in every aspect of life. While this situation has caused profound gender inequalities, women have been
affected
by such gender relations in a multidimensional and intersectional way.
Thus
, gender-based inequalities have emerged as a pervasive gender gap phenomenon in various types across the globe.
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IELTS essay Gender relations based on the patriarchal system

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
62 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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