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Nowadays more people tend to move to cities, which is considered as a positive development by a number of people. Do you think the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays more people tend to move to cities, which is considered as a positive development by a number of people. Do you think the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages? Ydwxr
today, a number of citizens have a tendency to live in big cities which are presumed a beneficial development. From my point of view, I believe that the drawbacks of this trend may outweigh the advantages. First, it is undeniable that there are more facilities in cities than in rural areas. In particular, there are a lot of shopping malls, recreational centers, hospitals, etc in metropolitans which could help people feel more comfortable and enjoyable. Besides, the recruitment needs in some megacities are extremely high because some big organizations need more employees to boost productivity. Therefore, some workers can find it easy to secure a well-paying job when they emigrate to metropolitans. Nevertheless, unlike our expectations, the reality would be more complex and complicated. Living in big cities, some citizens might face multiples problems. First of all, it can be seen that the increased population in cities might create potential competition between people and people. In particular, a number of workers in cities have to cope with unemployment because they cannot adapt to the pressure from rivalry at work offices. second, the more people live in cities, the more vehicles are used. That is the reason why the transport systems are affected negatively by the growing populations in cities which lead to either traffic jams or accidents. Besides, the amount of emission released from vehicles every single day brings unexpected repercussions for both environments and citizens ‘ health. Last, the security in metropolitans is not as safe as what we see on televisions. In fact, thieves might take advantage of the growing population to steal some valuable items from innocent people. In conclusion, I believe that living in cities is not as simple as our imaginations. That is why people should consider carefully before arriving in cities
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
today
, a number of citizens have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which
are presumed
a beneficial development. From my point of view, I believe that the drawbacks of this trend may outweigh the advantages.

First
, it is undeniable that there are more facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in rural areas.
In particular
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
shopping malls, recreational centers, hospitals, etc in metropolitans which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more comfortable and enjoyable.
Besides
, the recruitment needs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
are
extremely
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
organizations need more employees to boost productivity.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers can find it easy to secure a well-paying job when they emigrate to metropolitans.

Nevertheless
, unlike our expectations, the reality would be more complex and complicated. Living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens might face multiples problems.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the increased population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
might create potential competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In particular
, a number of workers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot adapt to the pressure from rivalry at work offices.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
second
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the more vehicles are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
That is
the reason why the transport systems are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by the growing populations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which lead to either traffic jams or accidents.
Besides
, the amount of emission released from vehicles every single day brings unexpected repercussions for both environments and citizens ‘ health. Last, the security in metropolitans is not as safe as what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on televisions. In fact, thieves might take advantage of the growing population to steal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable items from innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I believe that living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is not as simple as our imaginations.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cities
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IELTS essay Nowadays more people tend to move to cities, which is considered as a positive development by a number of people. Do you think the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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