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Nowadays more people get married to someone of a different culture than they ever did. Why is this happening? Discuss both benefits and demerits of this trend. v.3

Nowadays more people get married to someone of a different culture than they ever did. Why is this happening? v. 3
Today’s modern life, unemployment has become a massive problem in society. This will increase poverty among communities and also has an effect raising the amount of crime. This essay presents the causes and solutions of unemployment. On the one hand, unemployment has come as a result of lacking in education and low salary. Most people are dissatisfied with their work and they give up their jobs in order to work on big jobs. However, companies want to get a better qualified staff because low levels of education can become a cause of a crisis. Low level of education cannot meet the requirements of competition between companies. The single solution, provide opportunity to study free compulsory education in universities. On the other hand, overpopulation is the main cause of unemployment. The overpopulation depends on a number of factors. Nowadays, medicine has made many discoveries, with the help of which various diseases have been overcome. So far, diseases that have claimed thousands of lives are being treated because vaccines have been invented. The decline in mortality, the improvement of medical facilities is one of the reasons for the increase in population. There are many solutions, but they can lead to sharp protests. For example, setting the maximum number of births in families and it is dangerous to apply this sign in life. It is necessary to create new jobs to ensure employment. In summary, significant people have been unemployed in recent years. This is due to overpopulation and lack of education. However, these problems can be overcome by providing additional jobs and improving the education system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s modern life, unemployment has become a massive problem in society. This will increase poverty among communities and
also
has an effect raising the amount of crime. This essay presents the causes and solutions of unemployment.

On the one hand, unemployment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a result
of lacking in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and low salary. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dissatisfied
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they give up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in order to work on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better qualified staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
low levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can become a cause of a crisis. Low level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements of competition between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. The single solution, provide opportunity to study free compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in universities.

On the other hand
, overpopulation is the main cause of unemployment. The overpopulation depends on a number of factors. Nowadays, medicine has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discoveries, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of which various diseases have
been overcome
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far, diseases that have claimed thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
being treated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
vaccines have
been invented
. The decline in mortality, the improvement of medical facilities is one of the reasons for the increase in population. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can lead to sharp protests.
For example
, setting the maximum number of births in families and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to apply this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
in life. It is necessary to create new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to ensure employment.

In summary, significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been unemployed
in recent years. This is due to overpopulation and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, these problems can
be overcome
by providing additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people get married to someone of a different culture than they ever did. Why is this happening? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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