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Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
An increasing number of people meet and talk to their friends online instead of in person. In my opinion, this is a negative development which can lead to isolation, potentially harmful situations and also problems later on in life. One serious problem that can arise from people socialising online is that it can lead to isolation. Before the internet, people would frequently go out to meet friends, for example in cafes, bars or restaurants, whereas now people prefer to stay at home alone, chatting online. As a result, people are starting to spend the majority of their time alone at home in their room without meeting others. Isolation of this kind is not healthy and can sometimes lead to depression and other issues. Another issue is that meeting people online can be risky. In other words, people can assume fake identities online as well as hide their true characteristics. This is particularly concerning for teenagers who are impressionable and can easily be led into dangerous situations. Furthermore, as this interaction is online, parents have no way of monitoring it and protecting their children. Finally, socialising online can end in difficulties years later as conversations and shared photos that had been forgotten reappear. This situation is currently critical for many people, again especially for teenagers who do not think carefully before posting online. That is to say, information which is put online can remain there forever and while people may share intimate communications with close friends, these words can then resurface later on leading to much embarrassment. In conclusion, although it has become more popular for people to socialise through the internet, it has brought about too many problems for this to be considered a positive trend.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk to their friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
of in person. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development which can lead to isolation,
potentially
harmful situations and
also
problems later on in life. One serious problem that can arise from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that it can lead to isolation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
frequently
go out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends,
for example
in
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, bars or restaurants, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay at home alone, chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are starting to spend the majority of their time alone at home in their room without meeting others. Isolation of this kind is not healthy and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to depression and other issues.

Another issue is that meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can be risky.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can assume fake identities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their true characteristics. This is
particularly
concerning for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are impressionable and can
easily
be led
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.
Furthermore
, as this interaction is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, parents have no way of monitoring it and protecting their children.

Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in difficulties years later
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
conversations and shared photos that had
been forgotten
reappear. This situation is
currently
critical for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, again
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
posting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
That is
to say, information which
is put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can remain there forever and while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may share intimate communications with close friends, these words can then resurface later on leading to much embarrassment.

In conclusion
, although it has become more popular for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
through the internet, it has brought about too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for this to
be considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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