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Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that is the good thing while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that is the good thing while others argue that it is not suitable. PAYw
Presently there are more youngsters who are having the significant position in the government. Though a group of people believe that it is not a good while others argue that they play a wide role. In the following paragraph I will discuss on both side and give my final opinion. Young people nowadays having more interest to work under government that will beneficial in a foreseeable future. Firstly, youngster are more accurate than older people, they put their effort to complete work on timing. Moreover their networks are very vast that help them in various ways. Secondly, as most work done in electronic gadgets, young people have good command on it that boost the work and in the favour to public. In addition, youngsters work hard to prove themselves and they are having more knowledge, interest area, about current situation. However, according to some people younger are unsuitable for that position. Firstly, due to their young age there not ambitious about their work. What is more, instead of working they spend their major timing on electronic gadgets and on social media. Secondly, way of working is not practicle, they are dependent on their sub-worker. Further more, money is the first essential need for them, they work for money purpose and misuse their seating position. To conclude, having a hold on important position by young people are indicating a good future only if they are career oriented and not use for the person matter. In my opinion it is a good thing that youngsters are more beneficial for the high position.
Presently
there are more youngsters who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Though a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
while others argue that they play a wide role. In the following paragraph I will discuss on both side and give my final opinion.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that will beneficial in a foreseeable future.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
are more accurate than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they put their effort to complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on timing.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
their networks are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vast that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in various ways.
Secondly
, as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done in electronic gadgets, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
command on it that boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
to public.
In addition
, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to prove
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more knowledge, interest area, about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.

However
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
younger are unsuitable for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
Firstly
, due to their young age there not ambitious about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
What is more
,
instead
of working they spend their major timing on electronic gadgets and on social media.
Secondly
, way of working is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
practicle
, they are dependent on their sub-worker.
Further
more, money is the
first
essential need for them, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for money purpose and misuse their seating position.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a hold on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are indicating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they are career oriented and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the person matter. In my opinion it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing that youngsters are more beneficial for the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that is the good thing while others argue that it is not suitable.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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