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Nowadays, more and more parents are organizing free time activities for their children. What are the negatives and positives of this trends?

Nowadays, more and more parents are organizing free time activities for their children. What are the negatives and positives of this trends? WmGlk
It is true that parents are interested in making a lot of free activities for their children to enhance their lifestyles. although some would disagree with this statement because some of them can fail to participate in this for some reasons. On the one hand, doing everything in spare time could help the youngers a lot of advantages such as sleeping, exploring on INternet, doing homework or having workouts. Each kid has their own favourite and they will do it very clearly, they just imbue excitement and kick them back from stress or evidence. However, organizing activities could make children get away from bad things in their lives, technology, and glueing on computer screens. Moreover, outdoor activities can help kids improve social skills such as public speaking, independence, ways to survive from danger or forest… In conclusion, although parents might be capable of making more informed selections, children should be made free to follow their interests. In my opinion, they ought to allow kids to juggle multiple roles in diverse settings to organically identify their potential.
It is true that parents
are interested
in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free activities for their children to enhance their lifestyles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can fail to participate in this for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

On the one hand, doing everything in spare time could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages such as sleeping, exploring on
Possible spelling mistake found.
INternet
, doing homework or having workouts. Each kid has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
favourite and
they will do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
clearly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
imbue excitement and kick them back from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or evidence.

However
, organizing activities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, technology, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
glueing
on computer screens.
Moreover
, outdoor activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as public speaking, independence, ways to survive from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
or forest…

In conclusion
, although parents might be capable of making more informed selections, children should
be made
free to follow their interests. In my opinion, they ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
kids to juggle multiple roles in diverse settings to
organically
identify their potential.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more parents are organizing free time activities for their children. What are the negatives and positives of this trends?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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