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Nowadays, more and more elderly peo

Nowadays, more and more elderly peo RRElp
Nowadays, more and more elderly people tend to live with others like them in designated communities and do not interfere with the lives of their grown-up children. Despite that it could be proven beneficial because it brings older people joy and contentment, it can also play a negative role in their lives, owing to the fact that in some countries nursery homes are in a neglected state with no staff to look after their guests. In my opinion, it is hard to define whether the development is positive or negative, and in this essay, I will elaborate on why. To begin with, people usually opt to live close to their peers, and older ones are no exception. It is not a secret, that communication with peers of shared interests and thoughts can be proven useful in maintaining individual well-being, which, in turn, directly contributes to the reduced level of stress and raises confidence. What is more, the latter facilitates the generation of certain hormones in human bodies that help to prolong life expectancy. According to recent surveys, only 1% of older adults who have been living in the so-called elderly communities, suffered from depression and physical limitations, while the absolute majority were happy and healthy. On the other hand, there is a limited number of people in the world who have access to top-notch enterprises, specializing in care for old individuals. Under these circumstances, the majority of them have no other option but to live in poorly managed facilities with other people of the same age. For example in Kazakhstan, the ones who are retired and have no children to take care of them, are bound to live in pathetic conditions under the supervision of absolutely not sympathetic staff. As a result, old people suffer from various diseases, including ones of a mental origin. To recapitulate, if an elder person has an opportunity to reside in good communities with a proper staff attitude, the endeavor will bring them nothing but benefits. Per contra, if there is no such option for them, the resulting effects can be detrimental. Therefore, I am strongly convinced that the positivity or negativity of the development is based upon whether a person has an access to a good place to live or not.
Nowadays, more and more elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with others like them in designated communities and do not interfere with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of their grown-up children. Despite that it could
be proven
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joy and contentment, it can
also
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, owing to the fact that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries nursery homes are in a neglected state with no staff to look after their guests. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define whether the development is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, and in this essay, I will elaborate on why.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
close to their peers, and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are no exception. It is not a secret, that communication with peers of shared interests and thoughts can
be proven
useful in maintaining individual well-being, which, in turn,
directly
contributes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and raises confidence.
What is more
, the latter facilitates the generation of certain hormones in human bodies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to prolong life expectancy. According to recent surveys,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of older adults who have been living in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called elderly communities, suffered from depression and physical limitations, while the absolute majority were happy and healthy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is a limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world who have access to top-notch enterprises, specializing in care for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
individuals.
Under these circumstances
, the majority of them have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
poorly
managed facilities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same age.
For example
in Kazakhstan, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who
are retired
and have no children to take care of them,
are bound
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in pathetic conditions under the supervision of
absolutely
not sympathetic staff.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from various diseases, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
of a mental origin.

To recapitulate, if an elder person has an opportunity to reside in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communities with a proper staff attitude, the endeavor will bring them nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
benefits. Per contra, if there is no such option for them, the resulting effects can be detrimental.
Therefore
, I am
strongly
convinced that the positivity or negativity of the development
is based
upon whether a person has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
or not.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more elderly peo

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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